by Muzza

Disclaimers: See Part 1.

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Copyright © 2004 by Ceri Murray. All Rights Reserved.

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Well today or tonight actually was pretty weird. I was asked to help out at a pub of a friend of mine today. I said yes but it was really weird being back behind the bar again. It was quite fun though. I even got hit on by two people, which made a change. One of them was a woman. She was quite good looking too... Don't know if she was after a couple of free drinks or what. She must have been after something. I turned both of them down... In a way I wish I'd had the guts to take her up on her offer but a one-night stand doesn't do anything for me. I think making love should be something special and not something that happens once between two strangers. Ok basically I know that a one-night stand is all about sex and not love but I'm sure you know what I mean.

I chatted to a couple of the old pub regulars as well. We chatted about how downhill the old pub has gone. It's gone back to its old rep now. Fighting there every weekend and a 16 year old, who shouldn't have been in there, was assaulted. The few regulars that are left there are on the verge of finding a new pub to drink in because they don't get on with the new landlord and I find it quite funny. I know I shouldn't because it isn't the landlord's fault the company turned out to be idiots but he spread a lot of rumours about us when we left and I'll never forgive him for that but I guess that's the way it goes.

It was strange listening to people's problem again too. Some people tell you more when you're a bar maid than they would if you were their friend drinking in the pub. Thomas, one of the regulars who left our pub when we did, started telling me all about his wife leaving him cause he drinks too much. I'm not really surprised at that cause he does drink a lot. He comes in about 12, just when the pub opens and leaves about 5 before coming back about 9 and then stays 'til closing. He does that 3 or 4 times a week and on Saturday and Sunday he stays all day. She left him once and went back to him on the condition that he cut back on the drinking. He did, he was only going out on a Friday or Saturday night and that was with her. Then something else happened and she used his drinking as an excuse to leave him. So he started drinking again. Why they got together in the first place is beyond me. I've heard the saying opposites attract but these are so different one of them is Spain and the other one is the Antarctic.

I spoke to Matthew and Rosalyn as well. Ros was a little quiet tonight and she didn't drink at all, which is strange, but I didn't say anything. It isn't worth it. It probably would have started an argument between the two of them and when they argue they clear out a pub. People are so used to it now, they know how long it goes on for so they get up and leave. So when you want an early night, all you have to do is start them arguing... They've been warned about it in every pub around here now so they do try to keep it down but every so often you can see they want to let go. Tonight was a little like that. Both were waiting for the other to say the wrong thing so they could start arguing about it but neither of them did. I didn't want to give them the ammunition.

I actually enjoyed working tonight, it was nice to get out of the house and do something. Something that also got me some money. I've told them that if they need someone to cover a shift now and again I'd be happy to help out if I can. Tonight has made me more determined to start looking for a job. I want something to keep me busy now. I'm getting sick and tired of not having something that actually motivates me to go out and do something else. Not having money doesn't help because it actually gives me a reason to stay in. 'I haven't got money' or 'I can't afford it' are excuses I use too readily and too easily. Even when it isn't the truth.

I've got a bruise on my arm, just to totally change the subject. It's about 2 inches long. It's bad and painful. I got it from band last night. Just a hazard of the job I guess. Not that I'd swap the bruise for anything mind you.

I was thinking yesterday if I got Emma a Valentine's card, while she was still in a relationship what would I put in it? Do you know what I came up with?

Verse 1 Roses are red, Violets are blue, My heart is sad, cause I love you.
Verse 2 She's really lucky, cause she's got you, as much as I deny it, I wish that it was me.
Verse 3 I watched you from a distance, too afraid to say hello, but every time I see you, my stomach turns to jelly.
You don't know me but I know you.
Happy Valentine's day.

OK.. re-reading that now makes me sound like a stalker who can't make up rhymes.. And it's cheesy too.. I nearly wet myself when it went through my head yesterday but there we go. I had come up with another verse too but I can't remember it at the moment. I'll keep thinking about it and when I remember it and I'll write it down. So there we go, hopefully it won't take me too long, cause I hate not remembering anything especially something like this.. but I've got a brain like a sieve so it's too be expected I suppose.

Ok now how did I get from writing about work to writing about Valentine's day, and something cheesy about Valentine's day at that? Good Lord I'm sad.

Something weird did happen to me tonight though. Emma and Michelle came into the pub while I was working and Emma said something to one of her friends and they gave me a really weird look. Don't know what that's all about and I really wouldn't have the nerve to ask. That would be really embarrassing. It was probably something I don't want to know anything about anyway. I'd probably die of shame if I knew what it was.

Anyway I've got to go now.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Bye

Well I had a night in tonight. I figured it would be easier than going out since I spent all night last night in a pub. I didn't fancy doing it again today.

Emma and Michelle came up and Gemma and Ashley came in as well. So I felt a little like a fifth wheel but after a while I got used to it We talked about a few different things like ex's and stuff and we laughed about some of the stupid things we did as teenagers. I felt a little dull not having all these good, nearly illegal things, to colour my past. Maybe my future will have some good things I can tell my children about though.

"How about a game of truth or dare?" Ashley suggested, as we all sat around, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Good idea."

"I'm in."

Everyone agreed although I was a little apprehensive. Truth or Dare games never were my specialty. In fact I sucked at them. If I have an embarrassing truth, I take the dare but if the dare will embarrass me then I usually end up taking forever to do it or I don't do it at all.

"I'll go first," Ashley told us as he turned to Michelle. "First of all we need to shuffle so we aren't sitting next to our partners." When we had finished shuffling we were in a circle:- Ashley, Michelle, Gemma, Emma and me. "Ok, Michelle, truth or dare?"

"I'll probably regret it but truth," she answered.

"Ok, who was your first crush on?" Ashley asked. "We'll start off on easy questions."

"My first crush was on my Sunday school teacher, Miss Monday," she admitted. A chuckle went around the group at that.

"You went to Sunday school?" Gemma asked.

"Yep, every Sunday until I turned 13 and I rebelled," she admitted. "Ok my turn." She thought to herself for a minute before turning to Gemma. "Truth or dare?"

"The way you were thinking just now I'm tempted to go dare but I'll go truth," she said.

"Ok, who was your first snog?" Michelle asked.

"Michael Mooney when I was 10," Gemma answered before turning to Emma. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Emma said. "Seeing as we're starting off on easy questions."

"Ok." Gemma thought before asking. "How old was the oldest person you've had a crush on?"

"I had a crush on my maths teacher in school. She was about 40," she admitted. "Truth or dare?"

She didn't waste any time on getting to me and I really didn't want to do it. "Truth."

"What is the worst thing you've done to get the attention of someone you liked?" she asked.

The worst thing I'd ever done? "I stood in front of their car and refused to move." It was the only thing I could come up with. I've never been the sort of person to draw attention to myself.

"Ok... I supposed that's one way of getting his attention," Ashley chuckled.

"It's a good job he liked me or he probably would have run me over." It was the one thing I'd always imagined. There's me, not really pouring my heart out but as close to and he just runs me over.

"True," Emma agreed.

"Ok." I looked at Ashley. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," he answered.

"Ok. What was the worst thing you ever did in school?" I asked.

"Threw a piece of chalk at the back of a teacher and blamed someone else, " he answered honestly. We all laughed at that.

The game went on for a bit longer with no-one choosing the dares.. which was a little boring.

Until the questions got more personal, then I got a little uncomfortable but I carried on answering, honestly.

"Truth or dare?" Ashley asked Michelle.

"We've all gone truth so far and I wouldn't want to spoil it," she answered. "Truth."

Everyone seemed to go along with that and I'm positive Emma just wanted to embarrass me cause her questions to me were the things I wouldn't have admitted to anyone.

"Truth or dare?" she asked.

"Truth." I figured I might regret it but I didn't want to be the one who broke the cycle.

"How old were you when you lost your virginity?" I knew that question was going to come up in the game some time but I had hoped I wasn't going to be the one to answer it."

"Can I go dare?" I asked but I knew I wouldn't. "I was 22."

"Oh a late bloomer," Ashely chuckled.

"Nah, just didn't have the time," I lied. To be honest sex was something I just wanted to get over and done with in the end. You don't realise how big a burden "virginity" is to bear until you get to 20 and all your friends have been doing it and bragging about it for years.

The next question was even more un-nerving.

"Have you ever had feelings for another woman?" she asked, when it was her turn.

I didn't know whether to answer that truthfully or not. They wouldn't know if I lied. "Yes." The answer was out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I saw the look of surprise on Emma's face, she hadn't expected that. At least I know I can surprise her.

Not one to let it rest, she carried on during the last couple of questions.

"Who was the woman?" she asked.

"A friend called Laura," I answered.

"How old were you?"

"16"

"Have you had feelings for another woman since?"

"Yes," At that point I was just hoping she didn't ask me who.

Her final question was actually a relief. "Are you a lesbian?"

At least I could answer that honestly. "I don't know."

I could see she wanted to ask more questions but I think Ashley realised the questions were starting to get to me because he called an end to the game.

We chatted a bit more about lots of different things before we called it a night and everyone went home. I heard Michelle have a go at Emma for making me uncomfortable when they got home.

"You shouldn't have carried on like that tonight, Emma!" she shouted. "You shouldn't have done that to Jessie."

"How was I supposed to know she had a crush on a woman before?" Emma asked, defensively.

"You weren't," Michelle told her. "But you should have let it drop."

"I know," Emma admitted. "But I was curious."

"If you were curious you should have asked her in private, not in front of everyone else," Michelle said.

"I know," Emma agreed. "I'll apologise tomorrow."

I wonder if they realise you can hear everything from up here? I would have thought they would have seeing as they can probably hear everything from up here.

Well what a night it turned out to be. I gave out more information about myself than I ever imagined and in front of people I didn't want to give it away to.

We did have a laugh though and that's what's important.

Anyway I have to get going. See you tomorrow.

Bye

To Be Continued....

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