by Joan Arling

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Copyright © 2010 by Joan Arling. All Rights Reserved.

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Being on the staff has its very own disadvantages, too, though. Lazing on a lounge with my belly deliciously filled up, I was contemplating the absence of holy cows, when I learned why they don’t have mobiles in heaven: they don’t need them. A thought, not my own, flashed through my head, “Guardians-in-training Jane and Angela report for an emergency meeting at home base immediately!”

I looked into Jane’s scowling face. “Penny for it.”

“ ’t wasn’t mine!”

I shrugged.

“It’s not fair! We were given a week. Aren’t they supposed to have perfect foresight?”

“Probably someone fucked up on his job and is now spending a week in purgatory. Oh heck, let’s find out what’s up.”

We found a very annoyed Gabriel in his office, drumming his fingers on his desk.

“Sorry, Guardians, but this has come in under our radar. I keep telling personnel that we’re badly understaffed on the omni-video, but they keep putting off new transfers. Still, this shouldn’t have happened, and the operator responsible is going to spend a week — what are you grinning at?”

Jane and I exchanged totally innocent looks, “Why, nothing!”

Gabe looked unconvinced, but continued, “OK, to matters at hand. What we have here is two dykes, one of whom has only recently embraced her orientation — a late comer, one might say — who has been given a less than friendly reception by the other, who has had bad experiences with novices. Both are in a pretty desperate state of mind, and you are to intervene before this development takes a turn for the worse. Any questions?”

Oh, sure, a million. But I guessed we were supposed to find the answers on our own.

She was sitting by herself in a bar, apparently oblivious of both the drink before her, and the crowd around her. Jane and I took a table far enough away to watch her unobtrusively.

“Boy, she looks really down in the dumps”, Jane observed, and I nodded my head.

“Let me go over to her alone”, I suggested, “I don’t think she’d appreciate getting crowded. Maybe I can open her up a bit.”

“OK, let me know if you need me to do anything.”

I walked over to her table, and as the bar was filling up nicely, I thought I had a good excuse.

“Hello, do you mind?” I indicated the vacant chair next to her.

She looked up, coming out of the daze of her thoughts. “Ummh... no, not at all. But I’m not very good company, I’m afraid.”

She moved her glass to the side on the tiny table to make room for mine, then looked at me again, studying my earrings.

I smiled into her face, “Yes, I like ladies. That bother you?”

She turned slightly darker. “No, no. In fact... ” She bit her lip. “You’re not from here, are you? I mean, wouldn’t you rather be at The Fragrance? That’s... ”

“Oh, I know the place. But I wanted to relax for a while. I’m Angela, by the way. Can I invite you there later tonight?”

“Lee.” She closed her eyes, and the corners of her mouth began to quiver ever so lightly. “Uh, I don’t think that is such a good idea. She... ” She did not continue.

I directed a thought to Jane, and she smiled and made her way out of the bar.

“You look so dejected, how come?” She looked at me suspiciously, and I hurried on, “Hey, I wouldn’t want to intrude, but, you know, sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger. I’ve been there myself.” My first outright lie in my new role, but no odour of sulfur, I noticed with relief.

“Why should you care?”

“Why shouldn’t I? And you look like nice enough company.”

She fell silent, gathering her thoughts. “I — I like the ladies, too, but I’ve only recently had the courage to be — like that. Makes me a v-v-virgin, I guess.” Her face became darker still, and she looked like she was afraid I’d up and leave.

I laid my hand lightly on her forearm, squeezing it gently. “Hey, welcome to the family, then!”

She looked at me uncertainly. “Not everybody feels this way, you know?”

“Well, I would not expect everybody to, certainly not those who think of themselves as straight. Just like our kind were ‘crooked’.” I snorted.

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “No, it’s not that.”

“What is it, then?”

“She... Nancy... ” Tears began to run down her cheeks. “We — we were so good together, sharing common interests, loving the same kind of music... ”

Once the dam was broken, she started to unburden herself. Everything had been fine, it seemed, until they started to become intimate, and Lee confessed that she had never been with a woman before, not that way, in any case. At this point Nancy had clammed up like one of those carnivorous plants upon catching an insect. Which looked to me more like a defence than a rejection. I accompanied Lee to her home, and we arranged to meet next day, same place.

Jane had meanwhile located Nancy at The Fragrance, and what she had found out seemed to confirm my earlier impression.

“She’s devastated, but she’d rather drown her unease in, ah, activities than admit to that she’s scared of being dropped once Lee has been, well, ‘initiated’.”

“Did you take her to task about it?”

“No, I don’t think she would have listened. Instead, I gave her a somewhat shallow impression of myself while coming on to her. Easy lay, you know?”

“You WHAT?”

“Aw, come on. Reverse psychology. Never heard about it?”

I considered my wily partner. “You slut!”

“Tell me something new!”

We both broke into a most un-angelic giggle.

Lee and I had a margarita each, after which I pulled her from the bar. “Let’s go dance!”

As we approached The Fragrance, I could sense her body stiffen.

“No! Nancy’s sure to be here. I could never look her in the eye!”

“Well, we don’t know that she is, and if, so what? Seeing you together with someone else might be an eye-opener for her, and wouldn’t that be a sweet revenge?”

She shook her head violently. “Don’t want no revenge!”

“Aw, come on. We can always leave if you still feel bad about it after a couple of drinks. But you owe me at least one dance.”

She followed me in, looking about her like a dog awaiting to be beaten, but her tension slowly subsided when she could not make out the face she dreaded to see. I spotted Jane very quickly, and, assuming that her dance partner would be the infamous Nancy, turned Lee and myself so that she would not look in their direction until she seemed more or less relaxed.

“Now please don’t take this wrong... Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

I tapped Nancy on her shoulder, “Time to swap.”

She shot me an irritated look, then looked back at Jane in surprise, as she let her go and flowed into my arms. Surprise turned into shock when she realised who it was I had left standing next to her. I had to clamp my jaws not to break into loud laughter at the sight of the faces of the two people standing motionless in a sea of dancing bodies, and, judging by Jane’s carefully controlled expression, she had a similar problem.

Jane swirled me around, propelling me into the back of Nancy, which in turn pushed her forward into the automatically opening arms of Lee. “Oops, sorry.” Neither of them heard us.

We danced across the hall to the exit, then looked back over the dance floor. Nancy and Lee were still standing motionless, but in lip-lock.

“Looks like you did not make such a big impression on her”, Jane smirked, then “Ouch!”, as she felt my elbow in her ribs.

“Sorry, I thought angels weren’t supposed to feel pain”, I said in the sweetest voice I could muster. She scowled at me, but could not contain a grin.

I glared at Jane, “Good thing angels don’t get jealous!”

She grinned, “Isn’t it?”, and leaned over to kiss me until I was quivering. “But anyway you taste so much sweeter!”

With that she pulled me behind a cloud.

The End

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