by Feral

Disclaimers: See Part 1.

Dedication: For Slim.

Feedback is always welcome: This is an original piece based on things I’ve done and experienced. I own these characters and these words. The world I live in isn’t shiny, but it is interesting. I don’t flinch from gross. Don’t steal. Do comment. Please...feral@e-scribblers.com.

Copyright © 2008 by C. R. Johnson. All Rights Reserved.

---

“How did it go?” Elsa always made sure to make some kind of noise, something to alert Rae to her presence. Whistling or humming a tune, mumbling to herself, clearing her throat: all were tactics Rae had noticed, and appreciated.

Tired and frustrated, Rae held her tongue, unwilling to dampen Elsa’s mood with her own. She smiled from her chair and moved her tongue against the back of her throat, where the tubing had been not long before, a new habit she was trying to break. They were promising her real food soon, not just blended crap and applesauce. Her right arm and shoulder ached all the way into her sternum, and her ass was damned tired of being sat on. She’d been allowed to start some range of motion work on her shoulder and arm. and as ecstatic as she’d been to feel air on her uncovered eyes, the sensation of space beneath her arm, of a breeze in her armpit, had been almost sensual.

Then she’d gotten time with the speech therapist and been duly schooled in humility as her body had ground through the simplest of tasks only with aid.

“Blech!” Rae made a face.

El chuckled. “That good huh?” She kissed Rae’s temple and set her purse and laptop aside before returning to kneel beside Rae’s knees. She’d worked part of the morning, and this was the latest she’d arrived for some days.

“Gran says ‘hi’, and wants to know if I can sneak anything in to you, like a peach pie?”

That made Rae sit straighter in her chair – until she heard El’s chuckle deepen, and knew she was being played. Why the hell did everyone want to play games today?

When El took her hands, being careful not to put any strain on Rae’s right, she squeezed and actually giggled. Something sure as hell has her in a good mood.

“Up carried.” Rae said, then frowned and growled. What the hell! She tried again, Elsa waiting as Rae carefully constructed her thoughts into words, trying to feel them form on her tongue and lips. “Want now home.” Christ! Toddlers spoke better! She pulled her hands from Elsa’s and ground her teeth. She was angry, and it seemed like the damned scream of cicadas in her head had become louder.

“What’s wrong, love?” El asked.

What’s wrong? Gee, Rae wondered, what could possibly be wrong? She realized suddenly she was gripping the wooden arm of the chair with so much force it had begin to creak, her other hand in a fist so tight she felt a knot form in her bicep.

“Rae?” Worry had replaced humor in Elsa’s tone. Her hands settled lightly on Rae’s thighs, and now Rae could practically feel the alarm radiating from her.

That alarm served to fuel whatever the hell was flaring behind Rae’s healing ribs, roaring behind her useless eyes. Jesus H Christ! Was it really so much to ask just being able to form a damned sentence and tell her partner she wanted to go home, be normal, not hurt or be so fucking afraid? She didn’t even know who she was anymore. How could she be who she was if she couldn’t see, couldn’t walk or even move her own damned arm? She couldn’t even ask to use a fucking bed pan without a committee playing twenty questions!

A wash of yellow flashed to magenta inside her head and it made her even angrier.

“Rae!”

She could barely hear El’s voice, pitched high -- nearly a scream, through the suddenly overwhelming song of cicadas.

What the hell is that smell?

---

The stink and shriek of the jaws seemed enough to split her head in half, and she lifted her face over the crushed frame of the car roof to gain just a fraction of relief. God, she needed sleep.

Her eyes scanned her surroundings more out of habit than interest. Standing on one booted foot in a half-frozen bed of mulch, her shoulders burning from holding her patient’s c-spine for the last half hour, nose itching from the thick stench of the jaws as they tore at the car frame, Rae really didn’t have much interest in anything at the moment, but the ache in her back and the misery of her feet. William Shatner be damned, there wasn’t an ounce of glamour in EMS, just a lot of discomfort and fuck little sleep! Four more hours and she could get out of these boots and take a shower.

She rubbed her chin against the collar of her jacket, and tried to do the same with her nose, but the nylon wasn’t rough enough to make the move worthwhile. Tossing an absent smile toward the fireman poised at her elbow, she noted the sweat rolling down his temple beneath the shield of his helmet. She knew the feeling. The night air a paltry thirteen degrees, yet she was being stewed in her own juices. Her 24 hour deodorant had failed to live up to its slogan.

She was half in, half out of the passenger side of the Taurus, her patient pinned in the front, the engine and firewall wrapped around him like he was the heart of an onion. He’d been crying off and on, under the mask she had placed on his face, but now he was under the fire blanket and her only contact with him was the light touch of her fingers at his carotid, and the grip she held firm on the bones of his skull and face to maintain the alignment of his head and neck. The liter bag hooked onto the epaulet of her shirt beneath the jacket was growing slack. She’d need to change it over soon and she really wasn’t happy about it. They should have been out of here 25 minutes ago.

But that would have meant leaving her patient. So she’d stayed; the first rig, hers, had already gone. Tim had taken the female driver of the wreck with him; she’d been found screaming like a banshee thirty yards along north the curve of the highway as it cut north east through the tiny reservation town. Something hadn’t made sense about the scene. She’d been in an almost impossible position, with no road rash… and the discord of the picture nagged at Rae. As did the crushed car seat in the backseat: the crushed car seat with no child in it or anywhere nearby. Car seats don’t just break up like that without cause, and the mechanism didn’t make sense…

She’d sent the second crew and some firemen out to comb the weeds and lawns along the highway. There’d been no child. Both patients denied the existence of a child, through a thick fog of alcohol. And that worried Rae.

“I want out!” her patient yelled from under the blanket. “Let me the fuck out bitch!” he fought her hands, bit at the air. She bent close enough to tell him to relax, and calm down if he wanted out in one piece.

“You do want your legs to come out with you, don’t you?” she asked reasonably. His answer was a strangled growl.

“Watch your chin!” someone hollered, and she arched her back, frowning behind the shield of her helmet as the roof popped up then resettled. That was the last of the corner posts. A couple of firemen were lifting now, and she got a better look at the crumpled engine compartment where it had accordioned into the corner of the foundation that had finally stopped it. There’d been no skid marks, no indication that the driver had tried to gain control of the car. It had simply missed the curve and plowed nose-first into the house, knocking it off its foundation by at least a foot: the little old lady inside, with the bad heart and worse ears, had slept through the whole thing.

A prolonged screech of metal, and the rattle of safety glass: it was about time! From the driver’s side of the car, the Sawsall was still chewing away at the car’s spine. They were having to crack this poor guy out as if he were a walnut in a shell. The blanket was repositioned, along with some shielding to protect her patient’s legs… well, where his legs should have been – instead of up around his ears.

Without moving her hands, she twisted her lower back and felt it crack, then did the same with her neck before bending to whisper a few calming words in her patient’s ears.

“Get me out of here!” he screamed. It had been a pretty steady mantra. She could empathize, but it wasn’t going to get him out any faster.

“Almost there,” one of the firemen yelled.

She took a deep breath and scanned the growing crowd, only to have her eyes settle on one of the ‘first responders’, his face as white as his eyes, locked on the pretzel of a being her patient had become. Oh shit! He’s going down… “Chief!” she yelled, drawing Grey Eagle’s eye and nodding toward the violet about to wilt on the other side of the car. “Might want to check him!” She saw Grey Eagle’s grin and allowed herself a second to enjoy it as the fire chief rallied a group of responders to sweep the yards one last time, the kid who’d gone pasty one of the first deployed.

Then the car gave way, cracked open like a coconut, her patient brought out and onto a longboard, and eased into position for them to hump him into the back of the rig where she cut his pants off and began a full assessment. As Jonas, her new partner, settled in behind the wheel, she was getting a good BP and concentrating as much on the motion of the needle in the dial as trying to hear past the constant drone of extrication now trapped in her ears. Uh oh - 70/42 now, with a thready pulse. She clipped his drawers, sealed the legs of the MAST and hooked up the pump. His belly was swollen and tight… pelvis unstable. Shit!

---

She loved wrapping her arms around Elsa’s girth, loved to press up against her back and settle her hands over the, restless bulge of their baby. Her lips traced a moist line along El’s shoulder blade, up into the light brush of her hair at the nape of her neck. She sighed as she rested her still damp hair on the pillow, and let the mattress accept her weight. God she was tired. What a night. Why didn’t anyone under three hundred and fifty pounds fall out of the sky in Deep county? And why did they all fall on her shift? It was going to take some major elbow grease to get those boot prints out of the front of her shirt. Clay always stains.

“Mmm, you’re all wet,” Elsa murmured, her voice still thick with sleep. Rae’s skin was cool and damp from the shower and she pressed back into her with pleasure.

Mouth still preoccupied, Rae smiled. “You’re lying here like a ripe offering, you think I’m gonna fail to notice?” She pressed her hips closer against El’s backside, spooning her, one hand snaking around El to pillow her cheek, the other tracing light lines round her belly. It was a position of comfort, a cuddle with the barest edge of possibilities… possibilities that El promptly negated.

“You wake her up and I’ll kill you,” Elsa whispered. “I’m tired and I need my sleep.”

Pressing a kiss to the base of El’s neck, Rae settled her hand lightly just beneath the bulge of her belly and sighed as she played with the crisp, curly hairs of her mons. “Not long now - couple of weeks and we’ve got us a baby, complete with diapers and no sleep and cuddles.”

Slipping back toward sleep but clearly annoyed, Elsa just murmured. “Mmhmmm.”

Uh oh… Rae knew trouble when she heard it, and there was trouble in that hum. “What’s wrong?” and then she felt El’s entire belly roll as the baby woke and stretched, making El grunt with discomfort.

“Now I’ve got to pee…” Elsa sighed, beginning to roll toward the edge of the bed.

Feeling like a selfish shit, Rae sat up to lend a hand. “Sorry hon.” She was on her feet and helping El out of bed, then leaning against the doorframe as El sat, head drooping, eyes closed. “Once you’re done, you can sleep and I’ll watch her,” Rae offered, waiting for the sound of the tiny dribble that would signify El was done.

“That might work once she’s born Rae, but…”

“Trust me, okay?” Rae whispered, nearing as Elsa reached for the toilet tissue. A moment later, she helped El stand and held her close from behind as El washed her hands. Rae watched in the mirror, admiring the heaviness of El’s breasts as they lay atop her belly. When the baby rolled again, its rump clearly visible moving right to left, and then a pair of what were likely feet pushed out beneath the deformed cage of El’s ribs. El whimpered, and Rae winced in sympathy.

With mildl annoyance, Elsa placed the flat of her palm against them and pressed back, easing them in before jumping a bit when the baby kicked her in the ribs.

“Listen runt,” El addressed her belly, “you’ve kept me up all night with this routine. Now I need some sleep. So settle down.” Weary blue eyes lifted to catch Rae’s gaze.

That pleading look was enough to spur Rae’s heart. “C’mon,” Rae tugged her toward the bedroom, “let’s get you tucked in.”

Elsa had started wearing loose, soft nighties to bed, with fronts she left unbuttoned and which she almost always scooted out of in her sleep, not infrequently with Rae’s help. It was a change from their usual sky-clad sleep, but one El insisted was going to be becoming more permanent once the baby was born. Rae wasn’t overly happy with the plan, and had only decided to go along with it in the interests of expediency.

The discussion had gone somewhere along the lines of: ‘what if we had a fire, or someone broke in, you’d have to get dressed before we could get to the baby…’ Rae had diligently kept a straight face and told herself not to roll her eyes. She also kept her mouth zipped. She may not be the fastest donkey on the block, but she had learned a thing or two during this last eight months: El was a hormone storm, and logic held no sway in the kingdom of pregnancy. Then El had really gotten going. ‘…And what if we somehow psychologically damaged her? Babies aren’t supposed to be exposed to constant skin…’ Rae had blinked as the tirade continued, mildly shocked at how hot insanity could look and less mildly appalled at her own base instinct to simply tackle El and kiss her senseless! ‘They’re supposed to be bundled and wrapped and damned near hermetically sealed to keep them secure… and this house…look at it!’

Rae just wasn’t going to say a damned word – she was simply going to keep slipping El quietly out of that nightie, and enjoying what she had, and that was that…

She settled Elsa back onto the bed, and started positioning and wedging pillows. Even if she’d wanted to be an ass about the last few weeks, she couldn’t have been. El was miserable. The poor woman looked like a tick about to pop, her breathing was shallow and rapid, and her ankles were puffy by the end of each day. And she was undeniably beautiful.

“I love you.” Rae placed a kiss on El’s brow, noted her frown, then smiled and kissed her more properly.

“You’d better, baby, ’cause this is one hell of a pushy kid we’ve got here, and I’m not raising her alone.”

Alone. Now that word was coming up a bit too frequently of late, and Rae didn’t like the sound of it. “The only thing you get to do alone anymore lady, is use the can. Everything else, I’m right by your side,” Rae said softly, going for a smile, but meaning every word.

Weary, Elsa tugged at Rae’s hand and sighed as she settled back into bed along her back and wrapped her in her arms. “Didn’t you just accompany me to said ‘can’?” El snuggled in, the baby finally settling for the moment.

“Well, that’s different… you might’ve fallen in.”

“Not been able to get back up more likely. Honestly hon, just how big do babies have to get? I feel like a hippo.”

“Nah, you’re gorgeous, and you know it. Or would you like me to prove it to you again?”

Most of the couples in their birthing class had given up on sex by now. Rae had nearly choked when she’d heard the other coaches complaining during a break out session. The nurse had seemed very understanding of the guys questions about sex and techniques, leaving Rae to feel like the odd duck at the ball. Elsa had apparently made the same discovery:

“Did you know there are penile penetration issues with late term pregnancy?” she’d asked, eyes bright with delight. “Some women can’t talk their husbands into anything at all and at least Wilma and Betty are going insane. They’re so horny Betty’s been sitting on the washer during spin cycle!” She’d snuggled into Rae’s arms and giggled. “When grace said something about her husband’s oral facilities the nurse turned 3 shades of red and practically barked at us that we all had to be ‘very careful’ when being eaten. I swear, every eye in class turned to me! It was surreal! Like being trapped in some aternate reality where I’m painted purple and all the straits in the world are suddenly bi-curious!” When Rae asked about the penetration issue, it started Elsa on a whole new tack.

“its apparently some Freudian cross between vagina dentate and fear of fucking your mother.” Elsa deadpanned. “Hard to get it up if you keep seeing mom and know you’re gonna get it whacked off…” Rae, who’d been puzzling quietly over the whole warnings against cunniligus during the last months, had roared with laughter, then told El about her own group’s discussion.

‘You’re not serious?’ El had stared at her. When Rae had crossed her heart and made the Vulcan peace sign, it was El’s turn to laugh. ‘Did you tell them they’re doing it wrong?

‘Who the hell am I to educate the masses. If they think they’re supposed to blow their wives up like balloons, they’ve got more problems than I can fix in a 10 minute break out session.’

To which Elsa had blinked, then started to laugh even louder. ‘Can you imagine the noises?’

She settled in now, her breasts cool against Elsa’s back, snugging her hips against her ass and smiling at the memory. “God, I love you.”

“Shit,” Elsa spat out, flinging a pillow against the wall.

Rae, startled out of the peaceful moment, sat up in alarm. “What?”

“I’ve gotta pee again!”

Careful not to sigh, Rae climbed out of bed and began helping El up, the baby rolling beneath the tight skin of Elsa’s belly.

Comments on aliens would be bad. Rae thought to herself. Comments of any kind would be bad, she amended, catching the look Elsa tossed her way. Don’t say a word Irons, not one damned word…

Just stay off the couch…

---

El was holding her hand, playing with the fingers, smoothing over the knuckles and pads and calluses which so often traced and kneaded El’s own body. She was crying, the sounds of sniffled tears and congested breathing more than clear to Rae’s foggy brain.

Rae tried to close her hand around El’s, and found she couldn’t muster up the strength or the will to make it happen. God she was tired, and every damned muscle ached. What the hell had she been doing to get so exhausted?

“I love your hands,” Elsa said softly, her fingers tracing over a scar Rae had gotten when she was sixteen and had cut herself on a c-clamp while working on her old cougar. She’d been pissed off in the first place, had cut herself, and then had promptly shown herself a right fool by punching the nose of the cougar’s hood, splitting her hand wide while the car had smiled drunkenly back at her, the hood hinges now knocked akilter. Twelve stitches. Twelve! Being an idiot was bad enough; carrying the scars and having to explain them all to El had been downright humbling… until El had started to kiss them all away.

But Elsa was definitely crying now, and Rae hated to hear her cry.

Square, powerful, with strong, straight fingers and knuckles that were surprisingly fine, they were expressive hands, capably cabled by tendon, fed by roadways of veins. Rae kept them immaculate; nails short, cuticles pushed back, never a speck or trace of dirt or grime. The first time she’d seen Rae hold a baby in those hands, she’d had to leave the room to cry so no one would see her -- no one but Rae.

“It always amazes me what you can do with them. Do you know how jealous some of the other women at work are when they see how you touch things? You picked up a paper off my desk a month ago, and Cecilia practically wet herself watching you page through the thing! Straight my ass!” El placed a kiss on the tips of Rae’s index and middle fingers, and used Rae’s ring finger to trace her lips, before nuzzling Rae’s knuckles again, letting her tears trace over tanned skin and scars. Those first horrible days after the accident, watching over Rae in her coma, El had carefully washed and cleaned the grime of blood and dirt from Rae’s nails. She had buffed and filed and kissed them whole, and held them as she did now.

“Sometimes I feel like I forget to tell you how much you mean to me,” Elsa whispered, smoothing open Rae’s palm, tracing the heart and life lines she knew so well. “It’s so easy to just rely on you to know. Do you know how foolish I feel when I realize that? God, you’re my entire world, and days go by where I forget to even tell you I love you…”

No they don’t, Rae thought, You tell me with every look. Rae would have smiled, but her face just wouldn’t carry out her mind’s instructions, so she just listened, El’s fingers following the swirls and whorls of Rae’s fingertips, making love to her hands with familiar ease and wonder. Rae could feel each stroke, each light caress travel through her, and it felt as though she were being healed and made whole.

“And you never seem to give up,” Elsa said. “You never fail to be here for me.”

A moment of silence followed, and when Elsa finally spoke into that silence, her heart was in her words. “I’m so afraid, Rae. It’s been so close, so many times, and I know you’re hurting. I know it can’t be easy to stay here -- like this.” El’s voice cracked. “They’ve told me, Rae. They’ve told me how badly you must hurt and how hard you’re fighting. I can see it, and I know it’s because you promised...” El’s voice trailed off, but she swallowed and began again. “I’m selfish, I know, but I’m holding you to that promise Rae. I’m not going to live without you by my side. It’s going to hurt for awhile Rae, and it’s gonna be damned difficult to deal with some of the changes, but hold on to me and don’t let go. Just don’t let go…”

It had never occurred to Rae to do otherwise.

---

“Drummer.” Elsa observed, running her fingers through Rae’s hair and watching as Rae drew designs over the broad expanse of her belly, the baby within following each move with precision.

Rather than answer, Rae tapped her finger just to the right of the midline of El’s belly. When the baby pressed slowly back, then again an inch or so over, Elsa giggled and changed her mind. “Mime!”

“No kid of ours is going to be working street corners, mime or otherwise!” Rae said softly, tapping again to lead the baby on another journey. “I vote soccer pro.”

Brow lifting, Elsa smiled. “How about we agree on ‘happy’?”

Rae placed a kiss to where she’d led, her lips landing just as the baby arrived. “Happy.”

---

She must’ve fallen asleep again, her lack of stamina and the twilight awareness she managed in between was worrying at her. Elsa was quietly falling into a cycle of bargaining and babble, and as hard as she tried, she couldn’t seem to reach out to touch her and let her know they were going to be okay. She tried one more time - her movements lacked finesse, and were little more than the twitch of fingers, and stretch of her left arm, but it was something, and she desperately wanted to feel El’s hand in her own.

The squeak of a chair being pulled closer to the bed was her reward, but the voice that followed wasn’t El’s.

“I don’t know how to tell them. I’m not as brave as E. I don’t have you, or a woman like you to give me a reason.”

With the sense she’d just woken into the middle of a conversation, Rae realized the voice belonged to El’s youngest sister, Chris, but she didn’t have a clue what she was talking about.

“Sadie is really great, but it’s just sex… It’s not what you two have…” Chris was saying when Rae clued back in, “but if the sex is only a tenth what you two have, I want it.”

Jesus… did Chris just come out to her? Chris? Maureen Robinson’s precious little late-in-life baby; the beauty pageant pipsqueak with the scary poise and scarier smile? No way! No. Fucking. Way!

“I’ve been wanting to talk to El, but then this happened with you, and I don’t…” A scrape of the chair and creak of the bed frame, and Rae had the sense something was looming over her. “How do you two do it?

For a second, Rae thought the kid was talking about “it”! Then logic stepped in. It didn’t illuminate much, but it told her to stay quiet and listen.

“Mom is always so damned nasty to you, and Dad… but you treat E like a princess and you never back down to them.”

Chris was worrying at something in her hands, Rae could hear the clicking. She was likely playing with the pearl bracelet she always wore, and Rae wondered if she even knew she’d transferred the red and yellow of pot to the once ivory-colored orbs. Funny, Maureen never seemed to notice that. Rae turned her head just a fraction, and grimaced. Her muscles felt like they were soaked in lactic acid…

What now? Hadn’t she been sitting with El? They’d been talking… she said she wanted to go home… where exactly was El, anyway? And how did Chris get here? And if precious Chris was here, then that meant Maureen…

“The way you stood up to Dad when E was…” Chris paused, no more able to say what she’d meant than Rae wanted to hear it. “I hated you, you know. I said some really awful things to you, and you just took it. And now, when I look back… The whole time you had to feel like you were dying inside but I was too stupid to know it. We all were. All I heard was hate, and spite from my folks, and all I saw was Elsa lying in a bed just like this, with a broken heart. And blamed you…”

“El, where are you? EL!”

“You were the reason in my head. You’d ‘ruined’ my sister, you had made her into something unnatural that Mom and Dad couldn’t accept. Now I know that’s bullshit, I know I was wrong… I know, because now it’s me…”

Rae heard a shuddering breath, as Chris settled herself.

“I’m the same, Rae, and I don’t know how to deal with it any more now than I did then. I just know I don’t like seeing her hurt like she is, and I’ve finally figured out that you might be the reason, but not the cause. I didn’t understand. I just knew I didn’t seem to have a sister and no one else is allowed inside that tight little circle the two of you make.”

The bitterness in Chris’ tone refocused her attention. Rae thought about that, swallowing as she realized how that would look to a kid; one who’d never had a chance to really know her big sisters. No wonder Chris had hated her. She cleared her throat, licking her lips to work on a response, but Chris kept talking.

“I grew up wondering what was so special about you. Why did you matter so much to her? And I’d lie in bed at night and I’d think about you…”

And then, Chris kissed her.

Oh Fuck! Rae thought as she tried to turn her head away.

“Nnnn…” Terrific, articulate as always! Oh fuck me blue! “Don’t!”

The call button was in her hand, where El likely tucked it before leaving, and with strength born of panic, Rae thumbed that button as though her life depended on it. She was pretty sure her lips did!

Chapter 14

Rae took a drink of her gin and tonic, set the glass down on the bar top, and then spun it in the ring of condensation it left behind. The granite darkened a little beneath the water, and she watched the cross grain patterns of mica and hornblende, quartz and orthoclase grow more prominent. She’d been a rock hound at one time in her life, but now was simply more the hound. She’d let a lot of things in her life slip by, it seemed.

“Why don’t you just say whatever it is you’re rolling around in your head, and get it over with,” Tim grumbled.

She tossed him a dirty look, then relaxed, studying him for a moment. It’d been a while since she’d seen him, and he looked good, a little older, but still – in her opinion – too young to be out on his own. She’d only been on the crew at Deep Falls for a few weeks, brought in from the Duluth crew, when she’d been asked about a new applicant, and found Tim on the other end of the question. He’d been hired, and given a Field Training Officer: her. FTO, her titular position, or as Tim put it: fucked too often. As senior medic, she was stuck with him, and any other new hire.

“Cmon cous’, let’s hear it. What did I do wrong now?” He was going to be a pain over this.

“I’m gay, Tim.”

Tim stood and looked at her like she’d grown a second head out of her left ear.

Then came the laughter: his. He was a good looking man, with a great laugh and an even brighter smile – a smile she knew all too well from seeing it in the mirror. His green eyes were an eerie match for her own, too, but the timber of that laugh was like her father’s, and right now she felt a ribbon of anger run through her at the sound.

“Oh, that’s rich!” he said. “Like I’m gonna believe that!”

She could feel her shoulders drop, her nostrils flare, and the slight forward thrust to her jaw. If he had any instincts for self preservation, he was hiding them well.

“Well you better start,” she growled.

“You? Gay? Sorry, cous’, but I’m not buyin’. How can you suddenly be gay?” He had caught her cold tone at least, and was trying his best now to engage in the conversation. “C’mon you were knocked-…”

“Don’t.” Rae cut him off. “Don’t finish that sentence.” It was a warning and he sobered immediately under her glare. “I mean it Tim.” It was rare for Rae to lose her temper, but this was close. Too close.

Four years younger than her, Tim suddenly looked like he was ten again. Their parents had been cousins and best friends, the family cement stronger across those bonds than the usual, and she’d hauled his ass out of trouble more times than he could count. He was closer to her than any brother, and years of rebuilding engines and puttering with cars together on vacations and weekends had gained her one of the two members of family who still claimed her. She was well aware of what was on the line in this telling.

He stared at her. “You’re serious?”

When she nodded, he bent forward over the bar to look her close in the eyes. “You’re gay?”

“Yeah.”

“As in going down on a woman? As in dyke? As in you suck tits?”

“I’m gonna be a murderess in about half a minute!”

He backed up at that, startled more by the sound of frustration and anguish in her voice. “No! no, I’m… Jesus Rae, that’s… Wow!” Then he switched gears on her. “Does Tess know?”

Rae’s Aunt Tess, her mother’s sister, had taken Rae in at sixteen. “Yeah.”

He sat back in his seat and stared for a moment. “When did this happen?”

He’d accepted it. She wanted to sigh with relief, but Tim, in Tim fashion, had to wander off into the weeds.

“So, when did you decide carpet munching was the way to go?”

She rolled her eyes and set her jaw.

“You know,” he leaned forward, looking her over in a very different, and slightly uncomfortable way, “that’s kinda hot: you and some smoking babe…”

Well, so much for this conversation! She set down her glass, seething, and stood as he continued, trying to find a way to insinuate himself into a completely unlikely ménage à trois involving herself and some unknown, incredibly hot female. Tim was still talking as she grabbed her jacket and walked out the door.

Dropping into her car, she started the ignition and left, heading for home. So, now he knew, and she’d effectively come out to the only family she had. He’d accepted it, more or less, and she’d still have to run the gauntlet of juvenile questions and suppositions, but at least he was in her corner. She knew him well enough to have read that clearly.

Making her way home, she let herself into her apartment and locked up behind her. Trailing through the rooms, she found herself in the glassed-in porch that she’d converted to a bedroom, flopped down on the bed, and stared out the skylight while tears slipped into her ears.

It had been important to her, letting him know: important, in some indefinable way. And now she felt sick with something she couldn’t name.

“I’m gay,” she said softly to the room.

No one answered. The room already knew.

---

“Don’t want you,” Rae growled, too angry to care she’d actually spoken.

Chris stopped, backing away, apologizing as Rae started to shake.

The alarms had begun sounding, and Walter was by Rae’s side within seconds, silencing them, taking Rae’s pulse and letting his voice soothe. “Calm down Rae, take a few deep, slow breaths for me so I can hear those lungs work.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Chris was crying.

This was, of course, when Elsa returned.

Blind and scared out of her skull, Rae still knew when Elsa stepped across the threshold, and she turned her head toward the door.

“El, need you.” Rae’s voice was thick with fear, and by the time Elsa had taken the place where Walter had been only a second before, she was shaking so badly her teeth were chattering.

“What happened?” Elsa bent over Rae, running her hands over her, through her hair, hushing her with gentle sounds, not unlike a mother to her child. “Walter?”

His responding hum came from the direction of the med pump, and Rae could hear him adjusting the drip rate. When he spoke, his tone was hushed and careful. “I think that’s been enough excitement for the day. I’m limiting her visitors now.”

When Rae whimpered, Elsa soothed her, bending to kiss her forehead and then her mouth.

“Hush baby, I’m here,” she whispered. “Please love, please, slow down and relax for me.”

Rae nodded, concentrating on the feel of El’s lips against her skin, the touch of her hands… she couldn’t recall a time in her life when she had known love beyond what she and Elsa had. There wasn’t a time.

---

“Oh God, do that again,” Elsa whispered.

With a low chuckle, Rae settled along El’s back, her hands still roving over El’s sweat-slick skin, painting designs along the back of her thighs and buttocks, swirling up over her left hip.

“In a minute,” she panted, nuzzling at El’s neck.

It had been a wonderful evening, despite Rae’s initial misgivings about the inclusion of Tammy and Tim. They’d had fun. Tim had found a mini-golf course that had had them all groaning, but his enthusiasm was infectious and the natural goofiness that he and Rae had exhibited had made the entire exercise more than amusing, and El had laughed the entire time. As far as Rae was concerned, the sound of that laughter alone was enough to justify the giddy feeling in her chest. Dinner had been a hit as well: the lakeside restaurant had been quietly romantic, and after dinner they’d all taken a long walk along the shore.

The couples didn’t walk at the same rate, which was fine by Rae. She and El had wandered off the path into a copse of trees, the lake beside them, and the golf course just beyond. Elsa had leaned back against a big old Beechwood with a canopy of copper colored leaves that draped wide to hide them. Pulling Rae against her, she had immersed them in a deep, slow kiss as the soft dark of the night stretched around them.

“I am so in love with you,” Rae whispered, smoothing El’s hair from her face, tracing the rim of her ear, mindful of the earrings she’d placed there earlier. Elsa nodded, and smiled. “You are, aren’t you?”

Leaning in for another kiss, Rae didn’t hesitate, letting her mouth speak in more than words, the sureness of her touch, the solid reality of her body, lending weight to her assertion.

“Oh yeah,” she murmured long minutes later, lips light along El’s throat. “Oh yeah.”

Elsa sighed, the smooth bark of the tree pressing into her back through the light weight of Rae’s blazer.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” Elsa said, “but I’m going to hold on to you with both hands, Rae Irons.”

“’Should be easy enough, since I’m not going anywhere.” Rae let her hands wander lower, slipping lightly over El’s breasts, along the curve of her waist and hips, before sneaking beneath the hem of El’s dress. Both women gasped when Rae’s fingers traced lightly round the left globe of El’s ass.

“You’re starkers!” Rae managed, thinking just how much fun she could have had at the table in the restaurant, before abandoning that line of thought for more immediate concerns. “And wet,” she purred.

“Mmm. You do that to me,” Elsa said. “Regularly.”

When Rae knelt down in front of her, she didn’t bother to protest, or demur, just lifted her leg to slip it over Rae’s shoulder, lifting her dress just enough to offer an unobscured, if night-shadowed, view.

“God, you are so beautiful.” Rae kissed El’s thighs, and licked her way to a hip bone.

“Don’t tease,” El hissed. “You can tease later, but right now I need some relief!”

With a grunt of agreement, Rae stopped long enough to lick her fingers before slipping them through the wet velvet folds of El’s sex, drawing a delicious moan from El’s lips. She loved the sounds Elsa made, the way their bodies moved together, and the warm, spicy scent of El’s sex as it enveloped her in greeting. Mouth watering, Rae ducked her head to join with her hand, her tongue and lips tugging gently at El’s clit. Despite El’s insistence, she didn’t hurry. El was more than ready, her sex heavy and ripe with want, but Rae kept her movements slow and gentle, her fingers buried deep and curling sweet circles against the textured inner walls.

“Rae…” El’s voice was low, guttural with desire. “Please…”

“Hmm?”

“Fuck me Irons!” What had been a tease became an imperative, and Rae responded to the demand hungrily. Fingers buried themselves in Rae’s hair, pulling her closer against El’s sex, only to be followed by a gasp as Rae sucked lightly at her clit, increasing the pressure as her tongue began to stroke. Elsa was already close and engorged, all Rae need do was guide her over the edge.

“Yes…” El hissed, and then she bucked against Rae’s mouth as she climaxed with a shuddering progression of grunts and clutching waves.

Jaw extended, quaking with strain, Rae buried her face in El’s sex, enjoying the rush of fluids El’s body offered in return. She cleaned her with assiduous care, bringing her down lightly, wanting nothing to mark her dress or chafe. She’d never felt this proprietary tenderness toward a lover before; she liked the feeling, liked knowing it was returned.

Now, curled around El in El’s bed, she enjoyed the peace of the moment, the cooling of their skin and the slow return of pulse and breathing to normal. When El giggled, she focused on the soft rhythmic thumping which came from the office down the hall where Tammy was staying.

“Well, that sounds familiar.” Elsa squirmed in Rae’s arms, her voice deepening with humor. El and Tammy had been roommates at the university, when Tim and Tammy had been an item. “I used to wonder if they ever slept.”

“He’s got more staying power than I would have given him credit for,” Rae chuckled.

Elsa reached back to smack Rae on the ass. “You’re a bad girl. Besides, we’re probably keeping them up.”

“Pfftt.” Rae rolled onto her back and stretched. “More like he’s trying to keep up.”

“Proud of yourself?”

Rolling her eyes, Rae made a grab for El’s hips and lifted them onto herself, the both of them facing the ceiling, her hands beginning to roam.

“Nah, just inspired.” She sighed as she settled her hands over El’s breasts and mons. “You asked earlier if I was packing.” The weight of thought was heavy in Rae’s tone.

“Mmm, wondered if you might have been, is all.”

“Is that something you want? I mean… I’ve never…”

“Do I want you to wear a dildo for me?” Elsa turned in Rae’s arms, looking down at her. “Rae, there are a lot of things I think will be fun to enjoy with you; that being one, sure. And vice versa. But if you’re worried and don’t want…”

“No, I get that… it’s just… I’m not sure I’d be comfortable doing that.”

“So you’ve really never…” The way Elsa asked implied a hint of disbelief which bothered Rae.

“Nope. I guess I’m not as butch as you thought.”

“Rae, you’re just fine as you are,” Elsa said. “I don’t want anything or anyone else.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Well, what are you saying?”

“I guess I don’t really know. I just know it hadn’t even occurred to me to even try until you asked,” Rae finished lamely. “I’ve never really thought about it before, and don’t really see myself that way.”

“What way?”

“I don’t want to be a guy.”

“Well thank God for that. I’d be darned confused if you were one.”

“But, you…”

“Rae, hon, I also said I love it when you wear lace. I’m crazy about you… You.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why me?”

“Biochemistry,” said Elsa flatly. “Animal attraction.” She kissed Rae’s chin. “The first time I saw you I wanted you to see me. I wanted to listen to you talk, watch your lips move, ask you to dance with me. I wanted to know if you smelled as good as you looked, what you would taste like when I kissed you, and if you’d kiss me back.”

“Oh.” Rae colored.

“So why me?”

“Huh?” Rae looked at Elsa like she was a little crazy.

Elsa smiled indulgently. “Why me?” she asked again.

“Because I’m in love with you,” Rae said, as though it was the only answer that mattered. And when she thought about it, she realized that it was.

---

“May I at least say goodbye to my daughter?” Maureen’s voice cut through the ICU like a buzz saw. God, Rae had never gotten used to that sharp, demanding note. It always crawled right up her ass and curled up like a snake in her colon.

“I’m sure Ms Robinson will be out to say goodbye soon. I’m going to need a few minutes with Rae and I don’t…” Walter kept talking, but Rae tuned him out. Elsa was holding her, at least, as well as her ribs and shoulder would allow, and Rae didn’t want anything to interrupt the wonderful sense of completion that engendered. It had been too long, and she was far too vulnerable and confused to care about impressions. El had certainly seen her like this before, and she trusted her to love her despite her imperfections, if not because of them.

“Tell me what happened,” El was asking, seemingly oblivious to the tiny tempest her mother was creating outside the room.

“You left.” Rae didn’t think, the words out before she could assess what she’d say. “She kissed me.”

“What?” Elsa brushed her lips over Rae’s forehead. “Who kissed…?” Then understanding dawned between one breath and the next. “Chris? Chris kissed you? Rae nodded. “Where you were at?”

“What do you mean Chris kissed you? How?” A dangerous note slumbered inside the quiet of the question and Rae heard it. Uh oh.

“Don’t be mad at.”

“Hush, love, I’m not mad at you. You know that, right?”

Rae nodded again. “Where were El?”

Elsa took a deep breath and sighed softly. “Mom and I went down for coffee. Chris said she’d call…” Again that note of proprietary anger seeped into El’s tone, and Rae wondered why it felt right.

“Woke up to her talk. Scared me why.”

Elsa managed a soft chuckle at that.

“You’re a regular chatterbox all of a sudden. God, I’ve missed your voice.” She kissed Rae’s temple. “You’re safe now, I promise. No one gets to kiss you but me.” Elsa stressed the last, with a sense of positive force.

“Now.” Rae demanded.

“You want a kiss now?” Elsa had a smile in her voice, warm and wonderfully normal.

“Big us kiss now,” Rae insisted.

A heartbeat later, Elsa was kissing her and not lightly. There was purpose to this kiss. The claiming of ownership and rights were evident, and Rae felt as though she’d just had a flag planted on her.

“I love you.” Elsa whispered.

“You love you.” Rae grinned, then frowned, confused. “you love…love you…” after a heartbeat, she gave up and finished simply with, “I love you.” The sound of El’s laughter filled her with a happy golden glow.

“All right Ms Robinson, it’s time for me to do my job, and yours to spend a few minutes with your family so they can feel at ease on the way home.” Walter was back, talking to Elsa. He seemed concerned, and Rae wondered why.

In fact, Rae was wondering many things.

“Will you be all right while I go kill my mom and sister?” Elsa asked lightly.

“Be careful,” Rae warned gently. “Bite.”

“What I’ll be is right back.” Elsa kissed her again and squeezed her hand.

The soft tread of El’s steps receded, and Walter stepped nearer to do his job.

“What…” She thought hard, her face turning toward him as he took her vitals. Word, what word did she want? “What happened me?”

“You had a seizure. That’s why you’re so tired hon. You’ve had a CT scan and an EEG since, and the doctor will be in to talk with you and Elsa soon. Squeeze my hands…” Rae complied and he continued with his job.

Seizure…

Jesus fuck-a-duck! She’d seized? The shudder that had overtaken her moments before, returned.

“Stop that now, trust us to take care of you, and relax before you overtax yourself. We need to talk, you and I.” Walter sat on the edge of the bed and waited for her to calm herself. “Getting ambushed by that little girl was nothing compared to what you’re probably feeling right now. Elsa’s got a few things to iron out with her family I’d say, so it’ll be a while before she gets back here, but you might want to expect her to be less than rational and maybe show some pretty wild emotions. Seizures look scary to family sometimes. My guess is she’ll be petting on you for the rest of the day, so you might as well accept it.” Rae could hear the grin in his voice. “Here you go, brush your teeth.”

Rae accepted the toothette, made a face, and tried not to poke herself in the nose with the mint swab. She scrubbed at her teeth and gums, worked on her palate and tongue, and made a final swipe anywhere she might have missed. When he offered water, she swished and swallowed. “Ready for some supper?” he asked.

“Supper?” Rae was suspicious of his tone.

He positioned the bed so she was sitting upright, adjusting her pillows as he spoke. “Herbal tea, cranberry juice, soft fruit cocktail and… wait for it… jello with pear pieces.”

“Yuck!”

He patted her right hand and made understanding noises. “It’s a rite of passage, Rae. Survive the jello and next comes toast, then green beans, and after that come the dubious pleasures of rubber chicken and tough pork cutlet. Mmmm.” He scribbled something on the chart near her bed and laughed at the expression on her face. “So, if you want to now something, start asking now. I’m all yours until the tray of doom appears.”

It took Rae a moment to work up the courage to ask, then another to frame the question.

“What seizure kind and how severe?”

“Nice sentence there tiger,” he complimented her. “Can you tell me what you remember before you woke up?”

Her brow drew down and she thought about that, wishing she could see something. “Hot car tires… and angry.”

Walter didn’t seem surprised, and that scared her, because she knew enough to know that was bad.

“Do you know what a generalized seizure is?” he asked next.

Oh fuck, fuck fuck fuck…

“Now stop that! What do you expect of yourself? You’re a human being who decided you were going to survive one hell of a bust up. And girl, you lead with your head.” He was being candid, and that alone was calming to her. She decided to listen. “One seizure does not a seizure disorder make. One storm from an irritated brain isn’t that unusual, so don’t go borrowing trouble before the doc gets to do his big speech and tell you the same thing, or you’ll deflate his ego.”

Despite herself, a smile quirked Rae’s lips.

“Good,” he approved.

“How bad was…it?” She didn’t want to be more specific.

“Might as well know…” He didn’t demur. “Full blown clonic-tonic seizure, lasting nearly two minutes. No one was hurt Rae, and you’ve only been out couple of hours and Elsa, well, she’s a strong gal that one. You have good taste.”

Rae agreed. “How bad can I worry?” she asked, holding onto his honesty like a drowning woman.

“Don’t worry at all yet. My guess is that would be a big waste of the energy you need for getting better,” he said with flair. “Ahh, here comes the goop. Ready to eat?”

He sounded way too happy about torture…

Chapter 15

Puzzled, Elsa sat up and pulled up the sheet to cover herself, feeling an illogical need for a barrier to hide behind as she watched Rae dress. She noted the stiffness of Rae’s movements, the set of her spine, the anger in her posture.

“What’s wrong?”

Abandoning her bed, El grabbed a shirt and pulled it on, following Rae as she started into the hall and down the condo stairs.

“Rae, what’s the matter?”

Not bothering to slow or turn around, Rae snatched her jacket off the hook in the hall. “Nothing El, just go to sleep. I’m going home.” It wasn’t so much what she’d said as Rae’s voice that seemed out of context: small, almost… defeated?

“I don’t understand? Did I do something wrong? What did I say?” Elsa tried to catch a look at Rae’s face, hoping for a crumb of intelligence, something to explain…

“I’m just really tired, okay… not up for games I guess.” Watching the night outside the door window, Rae was shaking.

“Not very good company.” She turned the handle and breathed in the cold as she stepped toward the threshold.

“Hey!” Elsa grabbed Rae’s wrist, catching her before Rae could get out the door. “What are you talking about? What games?” When El caught sight of Rae’s face, the raw hurt there stunned her. “Rae?”

“Maybe next time I say I’m staying home, I’ll be smart enough to listen,” Rae whispered. “Goodnight.”

---

Rae woke as Elsa took her hand, startling from a sleep she didn’t know she’d fallen into, and pulled back without thinking.

“Rae?” Elsa sounded stressed, stretched thin and not a little scared by Rae’s reaction, and that alone served to settle the sudden storm of hurt that had washed out of the past into Rae’s dreams.

“Sorry,” she murmured, blinking. Her eyes might have been dead for all they saw, but she couldn’t control what they might show of her heart. For the first time Rae was grateful for the dressings that covered her lids.

Thankfully Elsa was distracted and too upset with her own concerns to really notice.

“Jesus, What the fuck was she thinking? You can’t even see to protect yourself and she decides now she wants to satisfy her curiosity! Why not wait until you try to walk and fail, or the first time you…”

“Thanks,” Rae whispered. “Good to know you believe in me.”

Elsa had been stalking the room, arms folded, long legs making short work of the room’s width as she tried to rein in her jealousy and anger. She heard Rae’s response, and froze, trying to recall what she’d just said, then fitting the words together in her head. Oh God, stupid!

“Am I your pet cripple now El?”

“Don’t say that!” Elsa wanted to take a step forward, but was stuck, horrified by the sudden revisiting of a place neither of them would willingly go again. Eight years had passed, eight, and all the little hells they’d walked together meant they could let this first of them go, didn’t it? Couldn’t it? Please?

“Don’t…”

“Okay,” Rae agreed too quickly. “Won’t.”

A shaking began inside Elsa’s chest, and she could see the same in Rae. No, Rae, not again. I’m not going to do this again… Her limbs felt oddly unhinged as she stepped to the side of Rae’s bed, and a whimper escaped her tight throat. She should have been careful of Rae’s injuries, should have been careful not to hurt, nor to press her weight… not to twist her back and ribs; instead she lunged into Rae and held on for all she was worth.

“Don’t you let me do that to you, not ever again! I promised Rae, and so did you. We promised!”

Rae incapable of pushing Elsa away, sank into the feeling of being held and just told herself not to cry.

“I’m an ass,” Elsa admitted, “but you stayed with me when I was worse, and I need you now more than ever. So if you need to be angry with me, I’ll…”.

“Get over it.”

“I thought I was, that we both were.” Blue eyes searched Rae’s features, wanting so badly to see her eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Trapped.”

Surprised, Elsa gently tried to disengage herself from Rae, only to realize that the meaning of Rae’s comment was still rooted in a past brought forward. Damning her family for doing this to them again, Elsa kissed Rae’s cheek and thought for a moment.

“Baby, I’ve never… I didn’t know what was happening, and I had such a hard time holding you.” Elsa smoothed Rae’s hair from her face, kissed her temple. “They took you down for an CT right after, and Walter let me follow along. You were so gone…”

“I’m here now,” Rae said coolly.

“Please don’t be angry. I’m feeling very protective, and I’m not as good at it as you are.”

Rae turned her face into Elsa’s shoulder and let herself cry after all.

---

Rae walked into the house, into a barrage of cheerful greetings from crew members and neighbors, strangers and dates. She made her way toward the bar where Tim was telling a story, introducing a tall blonde woman to the group. Rae grabbed a bottle of water and glanced up when Tim called her name. She paused mid-sip to lift the water bottle in salute, then leaned back against the door jamb, trying to decide how to get back out of the house as soon as possible. If she was lucky, there’d be a page.

She hated getting stuck with duty on the night of the Christmas party. This year she had been scheduled for both Christmas, and the Christmas party (delayed until late March of course). Normally Tim would be stuck with her, but he was hosting the party, so tonight it was Rae and Jennings. Fortunately, moments after they arrived, the young medic had peeled off to join up with his own kind – the young and godlike. What a relief!

Just as she was about to find her way out back to the relative quiet of the deck, Tim approached, calling her name, his date no longer in evidence.

“Where’s Adonis?” he asked.

Rae rolled her eyes. “Like you see yourself any differently!” She looked at him more carefully, the glassy eyes, the slow reaction time following her movements. Yup, he was toast! “Had enough to drink, baby face?”

“Hey look, it’s the Bobbsey twins!” Terry wheezed, nodding to the beat of some unheard tune as he came up to wrap an arm around Rae’s shoulder. His head kept bobbing and canting right: alcohol hadn’t blunted his Tourette’s one bit, and he was as unlikely to meet their eyes now as any other day of the year. Just like last year, he was completely slobbering drunk, and she didn’t blame him a bit. The poor man played politics every day of his life, trying to keep their asses out of the spotlight with Corporate. She wouldn’t want his job for anything.

“You know, a funny thing happened on the way here tonight,” Terry began. “I realized just how damned hard it is to be a female in this job.” He hummed a bit at the end of each sentence, and grimaced.

Rae felt her brows crawl up her forehead. “Do tell!”

“God,” Terry wheezed softly, “the sexist crap I’ve heard from the head honchos today is enough to gag a seahorse.” Still grimacing, he swept sweat from his brow and nodded a few more times.

Huh? Gag a what? Oh, boy was he wasted.

“Have I told you how much I appreciate you?” he asked, with all the gravitas only a drunk can muster. “Because I really do.” The Jim Beam fumes were thick enough to make her eyes water.

“You need to start drinking higher grade shit, boss. That stuff is pickling you,” Rae said, moving his hand from where it was absently playing with her stethoscope. His Tourette’s was bad tonight. The fact he would still be driving home scared the shit out of her. “And don’t you dare show up at a scene, or I’ll sick law enforcement on your sorry ass!” The warning was only mildly jovial, and he knew it. She’d have his ass locked up if she needed to.

“Just don’t get hurt – and watch out for young Skywalker tonight,” he slurred.

She disengaged quietly and left him to pester Tim.

A few minutes later, as she stepped out through the door, a movement caught her eye, and she glanced to her left, where a tall, willowy blonde stood in the cold, hugging herself warm. She startled when Rae cleared her throat.

“Hey,” Rae said.

Without snow, the dark was almost complete, and it took a moment for Rae to recognize the blonde as the same one who’d been gracing Tim’s arm when she’d arrived.

“Hi.” The blonde shivered, and without thinking, Rae took off her jacket and draped it over her shoulders. Blue eyes looked up, startled into a shy smile.

“Thank you.”

The way she said it, you’d think no one had ever offered before. Rae just shrugged.

“You looked cold,” Rae managed. Now that she took the time to look, Rae realized those eyes were magnificent, large and blue and filled with light far brighter than their surroundings dictated. “Rae Irons.” She smiled as she realized the same blue eyes had settled on her mouth. Hmmm.

Elsa’s eyes narrowed. “Tim’s cousin?” When she received a nod, Elsa extended her hand and Rae took it, noting the chill. “Elsa Robinson. Tim dated my roommate at the U.”

Rae looked her over, and frowned. Not that she didn’t like what she saw, but a beautiful woman out in the cold? …This beautiful woman? She should have a date to warm her, or maybe even Tim. “Why are you out here freezing?”

“Turns out it’s colder than I thought,” Elsa said. She drew Rae’s duty jacket closer around her with a grateful smile.

Rae, in her silks beneath her uniform and watch sweater over, was more than warm under the radiance of that smile. She cleared her throat and shoved her hands into her pockets, her duty belt creaking as she stretched a little, hunching forward. She wasn’t thinking how that made her look, or how she might seem shy and a bit foolish; so when Elsa laughed, the brightness of it caught her by surprise, and her head came up to find those blue eyes fastened on her again.

Jesus, she’s gorgeous, Rae thought.

Elsa’s gaze took on the weight of speculation, and Rae was surprised when it traveled from her eyes to her lips and then down her frame in an obvious look of appraisal. Rae caught herself mirroring the gaze, and stopped herself just short of licking her lips. Instead she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, looking out into the night, trying desperately to regain her equilibrium.

“You’re cute when you blush,” Elsa said.

Which of course heated Rae’s ears and cheeks even more.

“Very cute.”

Rae wondered if it was possible to bleed to death through her ears and cheeks. Jesus, she felt like the prize stud at a breeders convention. But those eyes, and the way El’s lips quirked into that smile, and the long, kissable column of Elsa’s throat, were all conspiring to make her dizzy.

Elsa let her eyes roam while she waited. When the radio at Rae’s hip started to squawk, Elsa shrugged deeper into the jacket. “You resemble one another… though you’re better looking.”

Rae swallowed hard and straightened.

“Are you flirting with me lady?” Rae asked softly.

“Yes. I am.” Elsa responded just as softly. “Is it working?”

Rae blinked, unsure if she should pray for her pager to go off or not…

---

“Scared?” Elsa asked after the tears had abated. Rae’s nod was barely perceptible. “Me too.”

“I’m not me,” Rae choked out between sniffles.

The impact of those words drew out the steel in Elsa. “Oh yes you are. And you’re mine. Remember?” Again that nod. “What happened to the words, huh? You’ve been doing so well. Just talk to me, baby.”

“Chris is gay.”

The laugh that bubbled out of Elsa was almost hysterical. “You’re changing the subject! The last thing I’m thinking of right now is my fucking sister and her trying to take advantage of you while you’re post ictal.”

Post ictal? How the hell do you know the term ‘post ictal’? The words sounded strange coming from Elsa, and they scared Rae even more.

“She can deal with the fallout on her own – I doubt Mom can process what she heard us screaming about anyway. Jesus, my own sister, kissing my girl! I’m gonna kill her, just as soon as I find the time!” Elsa grumbled. “Baby, I need to be closer. I’m going to scoot you over…” Elsa disentangled herself from Rae’s arms, and called for Walter.

Shortly after she’d made her request known, Rae was moved and Elsa was climbing onto the bed before the nurses had a chance to leave the room, taking Rae into her arms and snuggling as close as she could against Rae’s back.

The feel of El’s body along her spine was almost too good to be true, and Rae melted into it.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“And I love you, babe. Always.” Elsa yawned, and Rae followed. “It’s going to be okay, Rae. We’ll handle whatever we are dealt, and it’s going to be okay. I promise.”

“’Kay.”

“Tired?”

Rae nodded, enjoying the feel of El’s breath on the nape of her neck. She didn’t know exactly when she slipped off into sleep, but was vaguely aware that she was smiling.

---

“Too tight?” Elsa’s voice was in her ear, the heat of her breath washing along her temple.

Rae shook her head, not wanting to talk, afraid it might break the spell and she’d wind up trapped being just herself again. She loved it when they played, loved letting go and letting the moments just happen, without plan. When Elsa had tied her hands to the headboard, she’d been surprised, but the blindfold…

“Are you afraid, baby?” El asked.

Brows drawing together, puzzled, she again shook her head.

Elsa drew a hand along Rae’s flank, the heat of her touch translating through the cotton shirt with ease. She had shifted on the bed, was settling in astride Rae’s legs, leaning down over her but not quite touching. “Do you want to be?” she asked in a husky challenge.

The frisson of excitement that ran through Rae’s body was undeniable, and she could hear Elsa chuckle.

“Let me in baby…” Elsa murmured, “let me help you feel…”

Continued in Part 7

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