by Feral

Disclaimers: See Part 1.

Feedback is always welcome: This is an original piece based on things I’ve done and experienced. I own these characters and these words. The world I live in isn’t shiny, but it is interesting. I don’t flinch from gross. Don’t steal. Do comment. Please...feral@e-scribblers.com.

Copyright © 2008 by C. R. Johnson. All Rights Reserved.

---

“Bad dreams again?” Elsa asked as she kissed her good morning.

Rae was up in the chair, focused on the figurative bone she’d been gnawing since waking at four o’clock that morning. She’d tried to ask Ginnie, her night nurse, but the combination of well-honed nursing avoidance tactics and Rae’s dysphasia conspired against her, and so she had waited, thinking. She’d heard no other voices but El’s since waking, no one was mentioned, no phone calls, no visits. Only Elsa. She’d awakened with questions, and eventually found the answers in evasiveness and dreams and slippery but damning recall.

When Elsa took her hand, Rae gave it a light tug. She could feel the sudden measure of El’s gaze on her, and realized just how much she didn’t want to ask what she so desperately needed to know.

She could hear El’s knees crack as she knelt before her, and, in the moment of silence that followed, Rae knew.

“You’re remembering, aren’t you?” El asked, her voice husky, the tension in her body transferring through her hand.

Not trusting herself with the words, Rae simply nodded. She could hear El take a deep breath, and knew that what was coming was a little slice of hell for both of them.

“Rae, there are some things I need to tell you…”

“Is at?” Rae asked softly, ground her teeth and tried again, concentrating on one simple name. “Tim?”

“Hon…” Elsa stumbled over her words, took another breath. “Tim died in the crash.”

As much as it hurt to say the words, Elsa knew the hearing would be harder, and she didn’t dare try to soften this. She touched Rae’s jaw, trailed her fingertips up around her ear, and smoothed back a few stray strands of hair. Anyone else would have filled the silence with words of solace, anything to press back against the oppressive stillness that flooded the room. But silence frightened neither Elsa nor Rae. The silent moments of their lives had always defined them as a couple, knit them as surely as did the grasp they now shared, tore at them, pulled and strained, and yet healed them, held them apart from the rest of the world in a place of their own.

Elsa watched Rae’s face, her body, noting the lack of reaction as Rae’s reaction. This was where she often lost her lover, this path that led in through the defenses and allowed no one but Rae to pass. This was the place where she so often waited, knowing that with time Rae would return as surely as she herself did from her own quiet reserves.

“Rae, honey…” she whispered the words, a bid to pull Rae back after the nurses had come by, and had been quietly asked to wait. She was surprised when it worked, Rae tilting her head to show her awareness, a small hitch to her breathing the only outward sign anyone other than El might note.

“You?” Rae asked. She didn’t try to frame what she was asking, just let her mouth and larynx move. Tim was gone. Dead. The word didn’t seem to hold any real meaning. She knew it did. Knew that dead was final, that it meant he was gone, she’d never see him again, hear his laugh or be able to shoot hoops or bean him in the head when he made some stupid crack about El’s cleavage and her own ass. He was, next to El, her best friend - her family - so much a part of her life his absence was as inconceivable as the permanent loss of her eyesight.

And he was supposed to be here to help Elsa if anything happened to her…

Elsa stared. “Me?”

Rae swallowed. “Safe?” No, that wasn’t what she wanted to ask. She needed to know if El was okay – how she was handling things. She must have known about Tim for all this time, and been alone with that knowledge. She’d have sat vigil with nothing but hope, waiting to see if she was being left behind. Rae had always figured that Tim would be there for either of them, that he’d take the brunt of fears and frustrations…

And the son of a bitch had DIED! Who the fuck had El’s back? It sure as hell hadn’t been family! Friends? Sure they had friends, but no one who’d weather the kind of storms El’s mercurial temperament stirred up when she was scared or feeling lost. He promised, God damn it! He knew he was supposed to be here for El! He knew she’d need him! He’d fucking promised!

“Love, I don’t understand,” Elsa said.

Rae placed El’s hand on her breast, held it there, willing El to feel the steady beat of her heart even as she ignored the sudden sound of alarms from the monitors. Damned electronic narcs! Christ! It’s getting hot in here!

Something in the room changed, a current of air, a feeling of movement… Rae had no doubt it was her personal bodyguard in nursing scrubs, moving on those silent feet they perfected in some secret rite of passage after nursing school, the one that allowed them to work ICU where they needed to ghost around like helpful wraiths. She caught the change peripherally; her focus on the faint shudder of El’s body, knowing instinctively that her message was getting through. I’m here. I won’t leave you alone. I’m still here.

The nurse drew nearer, and Rae, like an old blind dog at its master’s knee, lifted her head to protect what was hers, as though the nurse were a threat. “Back!” She barked the word, her face fixed on where she knew the nurse would be. It wasn’t what she’d meant to say, but it got her point across sure enough.

El started; surprised at both the admonishment and the realization they were no longer alone. She would have turned away, had Rae not stopped her.

Rae’s hand was gentle on El’s wrist, but her face beneath the dressings was hard and forbidding, warning off anyone who would interrupt them. Rae might be blind, might be useless in the grand scheme of things as the world might see her -- one working arm, one working leg and barely able to be understood -- but she’d be damned if she would leave El to face the world alone again, and damned if she’d let anyone take away that one tiny piece of her that remained worth giving.

“Rae, you need to calm down.” The alarms stopped, the nurse’s tone smooth and gentle. Rae followed her movements.

“Baby, please,” Elsa whispered, standing, one hand still pressed to Rae’s heart, the other cupping Rae’s jaw. A kiss brushed Rae’s forehead, and there were tears left in its wake, a rain of loss that Rae responded to, seeking El’s face without even trying and having no idea how that simple act affected her. When Elsa slid onto the arm of the chair and wrapped her arms around her, Rae pressed her ear against El’s breast, listening to the steady rhythm of El’s blood coursing through her veins, the bellows of her lungs as she breathed. She held on tight as Elsa kissed the top of her head and whispered that she loved her, that everything would be okay. They had each other. Nothing could change that.

They had each other.

The rest of the world slipped away, and that was enough.

---

Fingertips trailed along her spine, swirled round the dimples above her ass, making Rae squirm as she settled deeper into the mattress, giggling.

“I like that you’re ticklish.” Elsa nipped at Rae’s earlobe, snuffled happily behind her ear. “Who would have thought the great Rae Irons giggles like a girl?” El was inordinately pleased with her discovery, and had spent a great deal of time mapping out the best spots to elicit the desired response from Rae.

When a particularly sensitive area along her right flank was caressed, Rae countered by rolling onto her side to face her tormentor, and buried her face in El’s chest, laughing happily as they embraced, legs twining. She nipped one of El’s breasts, drawing a squeak, and grinned like a maniac into El’s cleavage. “You must have me confused with some other Rae Irons, lady. I’m just a humble but loveable shoe shine girl.”

Elsa laughed and rubbed her cheek against Rae’s head, pulling her even closer. “So far that’s Underdog, Popeye, and Daffy Duck. I had no idea you were such a connoisseur of educational TV. What else is in that head of yours?”

“Th-th-th-th-th-th nothin’!” The effect was muffled by being uttered between El’s breasts.

“My favorite is still Pooh Bear,” El whispered. “I’ve never ever been so affected by Sterling Holloway’s voice - and I know I’ve never been as thoroughly snacked on.” She placed a quick kiss atop Rae’s head and wiggled her feet. “I’m going to have one hell of a time trying to watch that video with my niece from now on.”

“Baby, I can do ‘em all!” Rae did a fair imitation of Tigger, and slipped into Piglet for her next comment. “My, it certainly is d-d-dark in here.” Of course, not having lifted her face from its nest in El’s cleavage, she failed at the echo.

A swift swat to her ass made Rae yelp, and Elsa laughed as she pulled her even closer.

“Lady, I’m gonna suffocate here!”

“Suffer in silence.”

“ ’kay,” Rae agreed.

Long moments went by as Elsa watched the once empty room and its shadows take on the depth of experience, allowing herself this time to savor the memories. The storm had passed, and night had claimed the world, the sun long gone beyond the horizon. They’d played for some time in the hallway downstairs, before sprawling naked on the couch to watch weather updates and tease one another shamelessly about whether any one of her neighbors might have glanced in through the glass doors. Then they’d tanked up on fluids, shared an apple, and sprinted up the stairs in a squealing race to see who could get to the queensize bed first.

El’s thoughts drifted back to the hours watching Rae sleep, grinning as she recalled how she’d almost bitten into the arm of the couch when Rae had rolled over and buried her face in her lap. Now, here she was with that same face nestled in her cleavage and she couldn’t help but remember just where else the lips that brushed the insides of her breasts had been. She tried to tote up the various positions and places they’d tried, and quit when she hit double digits. It was moot, anyway. The house, the sheets, their bodies smelled of clean musk and sweat and heat, and for the first time in her life she understood the desire to roll and bathe in the scent of another person. This person.

El had learned that Rae was definitely a breast woman, and she’d found herself amazingly drawn to Rae’s perfect ass. She couldn’t recall ever being so consumed by another woman. Rae fascinated Elsa in a way no one else ever had – her body, her wit, her personality, and the way she wove strength and passion with tenderness and unabashed goofiness – it all formed a heady mix, letting her side-step her usual inhibitions and making her want more. A lot more.

For God’s sake, she’d thrown herself at the woman in her closet! How appallingly unromantic! Of course, Rae hadn’t seemed to mind.

There was nothing casual in any of this, Elsa realized. They’d been dancing around this move for weeks, building the trust and depth both wanted. Elsa had never been one to believe in forever, but right now she was starting to feel that she might want to rethink her stance. It was far too early to place the weight of expectation on either of them, but still, there had been something different today, something…

“What happened yesterday when you were on call?”

Rae stirred from her nest unwillingly, leaving a kiss on El’s breast bone before tilting her head back to meet El’s gaze. Green eyes roamed over the planes and curves of El’s face, Rae’s answer languid and relaxed. “Bad shift is all.”

“Does it get to you? What you do?”

For a second, Rae considered the question, then shook her head. “I like what I do. I don’t usually let stuff bother me. Shit happens and there’s no stopping that.” She scooted up so they were eye to eye and laid her head on the pillow so their noses touched. “I get worn down sometimes. Usually I just hole up in my apartment or get out of town so I don’t have to deal with people.”

“But not this time?”

Rae smiled, briefly. “Nope.”

El let a moment go by, watching Rae’s face, reading what was in her eyes, before breaking into a grin of her own. “I like that,” she whispered, as she pulled Rae back into her and felt her settle beneath her chin. “Tired?” she asked, feathering her fingertips over the curve of Rae’s hip.

“Nope.” Rae lifted her leg, sliding her foot along the back of El’s calf as she opened herself and felt Elsa’s hand slip away. When El rolled back and stretched out to reach toward her nightstand, Rae propped her head on her hand to watch, her curious gaze going wide-eyed as El pulled something shiny with a beaded chain connecting to a second shiny something from the drawer. “Ruh roh!” Then, seeing the look on El’s face, and the way her grin had changed from joyful to something more lascivious, she allowed herself a grin of her own. “Scooby dooby doo!”

Giggling now, Elsa kissed her and whispered, “You bet your ass!”

---

“Tell me what you see.” Air, real live cool air was actually caressing the skin around her right eye. God it felt good to have that damned dressing and metal shield off. She felt like she’d been wearing an angora sweater on her head for the last week.

She blinked a few times, blinked harder. “Opus!” Opus? As in penguin? What the hell did that have to do with anything? Damnit! One day the words she was thinking were going to pop out of her mouth and she was going to be completely misunderstood out of reflex. Christ! This was infuriating.

“I don’t understand that. Try again.” The neurologist was getting frustrated with the exam: clearly all he wanted was a straight answer. Well, he should try things on this end of the questions.

“Slim!” She ground her teeth, feeling like a moron. No light, nothing, and speaking in tongues. The clasp of El’s hand tightened in her own.

A click, and she guessed he’d pulled out his penlight. “Now?”

For Elsa, standing at Rae’s left, holding onto her hand, the answer was painfully obvious. Bright light poured into Rae’s right eye, disappearing into the overly large pupil that stole away the mossy green, leaving only a thin ring of iris color. Where deep red had once surrounded the iris of Rae’s eye: now only a brownish green remained. The sutures that marred the side of her face were ugliest here, the repair that had returned Rae’s face to her skull especially difficult around the orbits.

She shook her head and heard him suck at his teeth. She wondered what he looked like, and imagined a cocky little guy with a narrow nose and no lips. In reality, he was a good looking man: his ego was the pinch-nosed part of him.

The neurologist nodded in Elsa’s direction as the overhead lights were flicked on. No change was visible in Rae’s eye or her face. Knowing what the doctor wanted, Elsa called Rae’s name.

Involuntarily, Rae’s eye flicked to her left, her head turning more slowly. For a second, hope flared in El’s breast, only to die away as it became obvious Rae was simply reacting to the sound of her voice, not actually tracking her face. Without a word, Elsa bent forward and whispered “Close your eye love.” When Rae did as asked, Elsa placed a gentle kiss on her eyelid. The doctor cleared his throat, and El ignored him. “Beautiful,” she said softly, knowing he could hear. She brushed her lips against Rae’s and straightened.

“Tell me what you’re seeing Rae,” he said.

“Zero.” Rae’s frustration with the lack of sight was evident in the word, and she was surprised she’d managed anything even close to what she was shooting for.

“Well then, let’s see how the other eye does.” He had a superior tone that grated on her nerves, and she wondered if he could be just a little more forthcoming. “Lights please.”

The ballast in the fluorescents stopped their low level buzz. She knew the room was dimmed, but there was no way for her to know anything beyond that. When he lifted the mesh dome and folded gauze that covered her left eye, she sighed as air hit the skin of her lid and brow. She didn’t know that Elsa was biting her lip, or that she had turned away, buying a second’s respite from the damage that had ravaged the left side of Rae’s face.

Never having thought herself a beauty, Rae had nonetheless had clean, regular features, level eyes, a quirky, expressive mouth – a face that Elsa saw through the filter of her heart. There was pride in the jut of Rae’s jaw. The set of Rae’s bones - a product of symmetry and mixed genetics - formed a combination that Elsa had been attracted to from the very beginning. That symmetry had been marred now, the damage to her left brow and temple, Rae’s broken, slashed nose and ragged edges of her ear were nothing compared with the deep tear that had split her lower lip and chin and torn apart her left cheek. The doctors could discuss and plan the future cosmetic surgeries all they wanted, but there was no denying Rae would be scarred for life.

It took effort for Rae to open her left eye, the muscles stiff and the lid still badly swollen. She blinked a number of times to moisten her eye, then realized there was something… a tiny lessening of nothingness seemed to slash through her awareness. Brow drawing down, in a frown, Rae blinked again.

“Tell me if you see anything,” the neurologist said, and a soft click punctuated his words. Something flashed, driving like a spike into her eye, and making her turn away in pain.

---

“El!” She strained to get out from under the foot that held her head down, but a kick to her ribs stopped what progress she’d made, and the tromp of a boot on her supporting hand brought her back down onto her face.

The scrape of shoes on the asphalt was interspersed with grunts of pain and gasps of shock. As the torrent of blood pounding in her ears began to clear, Rae realized she was free. Blindly, she turned toward the noises, reaching up with a battered hand to paw ineffectually at whatever was covering her head. Fabric. Rough canvas, wet and heavy.

Stumbling to her feet, she ripped away the canvas, calling El’s name, blinking through the sudden glare of headlights as she heard the SHO roar to life and doors began to slam shut. She scanned for Elsa, squinting, and saw a slim figure dodge in front of the lights toward the car, leaving behind another.

“Elsa!” Blinded by the brightness and roaring El’s name, Rae took a step toward the light-limned figure, knowing instinctively that it was her lover.

---

“Rae, let go, love,” Elsa whispered.

She was breathing hard, her head pressed into the pillow, facing toward Elsa, El’s voice soft in her right ear.

“Let go of him Rae.”

She realized her left hand was locked on something, with Elsa’s fingers gently smoothing over her knuckles and the back of her hand. As El asked her to release, Rae obeyed, feeling El take her hand in an easy clasp, hearing her offer up soothing, gentle words meant to calm her. Alarms were going off on one of the monitors, and someone moved along her right side.

She opened her eyes again, and realized a blur of pale light swept vertically through her vision: indistinct, but undeniably there.

“That was certainly exciting.” She recognized her neurologist’s voice, and realized she’d been gripping his wrist. “You obviously reacted to that. Can you tell me what you saw?” he asked.

Upset by her reaction, Rae tried to concentrate on his voice. Something in his tone made her wonder if she’d done something very wrong. “Sad.” Rae tried to apologize. “Bad.”

“Hush baby,” Elsa murmured.

“Don’t worry about that Rae, no one was hurt,” he reassured her. “Tell me what you saw, please.” Was that deference in his tone now?

Rae let Elsa pet her for a few moments, taking comfort in El’s touch and voice, before she tried to answer. “Knife shine.” Two thoughts, the stabbing pain, and the lance of light that had prompted it, vied for first place in her response. Considering the accuracy of both words, she felt relief having uttered them.

“You saw light?”

She nodded, and despite the pain, Rae smiled.

---

“Are you coming? Cause if you’re gonna be doing that female stuff with makeup and crap, I’m going to be so damned scared I might wet myself!” Tim yelled up the stairs.

She took her wallet out from between her teeth long enough to tell him to fuck off, before she finished brushing through her hair and adjusted the collar of her shirt. One last look and she tucked the wallet into her pocket, grabbed her blazer and ducked down the stairs, closing the door and locking up at the bottom as Tim sauntered off to his car.

Rae stumbled in after him, settling into the passenger’s seat as he started the engine. “Are you wearing perfume?”

She glared at him, and curled her lip. “I am a woman you know!”

Leaning toward her, he sniffed, his eyes going wide, and his grin poorly-concealed.

“What?”

“You actually smell good!”

“You want to die, don’t you?”

“C’mon, what are you so nervous about? I introduced you, remember?” Tim pointed out, backing out of the parking space and turning the nose of the old Impala toward the northwest, where El lived. “She actually seems to like you, for some odd reason.”

“This is such a bad idea,” Rae grumbled. El’s best friend from college was in town, and someone – she glanced at Tim – had decided it would be fun to go out on a double date. Apparently the man couldn’t get a date on his own and so he’d pestered Elsa to set him up. Rae, not having seen El in three days, had been desperate enough to agree. It wasn’t that she hadn’t met Tammy, she’d just gotten stuck with a thirty-six hour shift after the two had gone on a road trip to Mankato, and now she was pinned in a car with Tim and his Rico Suave routine. If El wasn’t at the other end of this car ride, she’d happily strangle herself.

“Cheer up. It’s not like I’m gonna be paying any attention to you two. Tammy’s a babe.”

Rae rolled her eyes. “Just try and be human tonight, okay? No talking shop or anything.” Like she had a prayer that wasn’t going to happen, and she was just as likely to fall into that trap as Tim; like all good medics, they could clear a room with a simple observation and keep on eating, oblivious. Hell, eating while seated would be a strange experience. And actually having time to taste the food… the mind boggled.

“If I play my cards right, we might get laid,” Tim said, out of the blue.

Rae’s eyebrows crawled up her forehead as she turned to look at him. “Excuse me?”

“Why not?” He looked pained. “Some gals actually like men!”

“And you qualify how?”

“Cold, Rae!”

She grinned, then looked him over. He’d cleaned up nicely enough, even though he was wearing enough cologne to work as advanced warning. He’d gotten a haircut, trimmed his nails, and bought a new shirt. She looked more closely, then groaned suddenly.

“What?”

“We look like the Bobbsey twins!”

He glanced over, then down at himself. Crisp pressed white button-down shirts, low slung jeans, loafers… Christ, the only difference was his belt buckle was bigger than hers. “Your hair’s longer,” he deadpanned.

She let her head fall back against the headrest and took a deep breath.

“It’s not like we don’t usually dress alike, ya know.” Tim was trying to be reasonable about this, not seeing an issue.

Rae, stared at him. “Those are uniforms, dickweed!” The more she thought about it, the more they looked alike. It wasn’t really a revelation, just an unwelcome realization at the moment. She supposed if it got cold enough, she could put on her blazer. It’d have to get damned cold though. Indian summer had hit, and despite the carpet of fallen leaves, it was at least eighty-eight degrees today.

“Is that wool?” Tim eyed her jacket.

“The only way you’d know wool is if the animal wearing it had its rear hooves stuck in the front of your boots.” Rae grumbled. Tim laughed.

“You’re just ticked ‘cause I remembered to bring roses for my date and you’re gonna get shown up.” He looked smug, and she just smiled. Did he really think she was going to show up empty-handed on El’s birthday?

They pulled up to Elsa’s townhouse, the good-natured sniping continuing all the way to the front porch. Rae pulling on her blazer while Tim checked his breath against his palm. A shared look, and both grinned. Despite the teasing, they actually enjoyed spending time together, and Tim was taking the next step: not just supporting Rae, but standing side-by-side with her as she lived her life the way she wanted. It meant a lot to her, and he knew it.

She knocked, and a few seconds later, the door had opened and Elsa was leaning out to grab Rae by the hand and haul her inside. Stumbling over the threshold, Rae found herself pressed against the entry wall before being thoroughly kissed.

“Well, um… now that’s a greeting.” Tim cleared his throat and stepped into the house, closing the door behind him. Amusement was evident in his tone, even he averted his eyes from the sight, and sought out his date. Tammy had come up the hallway from the living room, and stopped dead in her tracks, mouth open at the blatant display of desire in front of her. Light brown eyes flicked away from the two women, and Tammy smiled at Tim, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. He stepped forward and handed her the roses he’d brought. “Think we can find something to put these in?” he asked, then grinned when she led him toward the kitchen.

Elsa giggled as she ended the kiss, tucking her head to Rae’s shoulder and holding on tight as she sighed.

Rae slipped her arms around El’s body and bent to kiss her neck. “I missed you too,” she whispered, her hands roving over the fabric of Elsa’s light summer dress.

“They’re beautiful,” Elsa purred under the touch. “Thank you.”

Rae grinned, thinking of the delivery she’d arranged for the morning. Somewhere in the house was a vase with two dozen white roses, and a third of red Kennedys, and with them should be a single deep purple orchid.

“I put them in my room.” Elsa snuggled even closer. “They smell wonderful, and I plan on seeing them over your shoulder before we fall asleep tonight.”

Rae blinked. “I’m staying?”

“Yes, love, you’re staying,” Elsa breathed against Rae’s skin. Rae wasn’t about to argue.

Tim forgotten, and Tammy no more than a whisper long gone, Rae leaned back at little, and took a moment simply to gaze at Elsa. “You look beautiful tonight.” She smoothed her hands over El’s ass. “I’ve got something for you,” she said.

Elsa grinned and tilted her hips into Rae’s, grinding through the button fly of her jeans, mound to mound. “Hmm. You’re not packing!”

Eyes going wide, Rae immediately turned bright red. That had never occurred to her, ever. She didn’t even really have any idea how that would work. But damn! Before she could come up with a more suitable response, El was kissing her again, and towing her up the stairs, calling over her shoulder to Tammy that they’d be right back down.

Pulled into the room, the door closing behind them, Elsa was in Rae’s arms as seamlessly as if she’d been there all along. “I love you,” El whispered. The words were still new, spoken with the imperative of wonder and hope and desire that burned through their veins. “I love you.” El kissed her again, each utterance moving along Rae’s throat with El’s lips.

When the first button of her shirt was opened, Rae groaned an “Oh God.” And on the second, those lips had found the lace of her bra.

“I love it when you look all tough on the outside and wear lace underneath.” Elsa palmed Rae’s breasts, thumbs teasing her nipples through cotton and lace. Rae was too far gone to point out that just a few moments ago El had hoped she was ‘packing’ under her jeans. So El wanted both – well, Rae could work with that.

“Oh, Jesus!” Rae suddenly remembered that Tim and Tammy were just down the stairs, and made a grab for El’s wrists. “El!”

Giggling, Elsa pulled away, her dark blue eyes dancing. “God, you’re so hot!” She took another step back and put her hands together as she watched Rae try to shake off the effects of seduction.

One arm out, fending off the beast that had started to maul her, Rae laughed. “You… you just stay back for awhile, and let me… just stay!”

"Yes dear,” El demurred. But there was nothing demure in her eyes. Wasn’t there a story of a mouse in love with a tiger? At the moment, Rae felt distinctly like the mouse in this equation.

“Uh, I want to give you your present.”

“Uh huh.” Elsa nodded, her grin lascivious again.

“Your birthday present,” Rae clarified, as she reached for the inner pocket of her jacket, pulling out the flat square package. She took a deep breath, knowing her eyes would have to leave El’s soon, or she was going to do something ill-advised, so she dropped her gaze to El’s throat and the length of slender neck above her shoulders. “I kinda hoped you’d wear them tonight.”

Expression shifting from seductive to something else, Elsa stepped nearer, watching Rae with that same look she’d been using a lot lately – the one that always caught in Rae’s throat and chest. Rae was starting to like that look. Had it really only been three weeks since she’d figured out she was in love with this incredible woman? What the hell took me so long?

Stepping up to meet El, Rae slipped the slim, wrapped box into El’s hand as she placed her own on El’s hips and waited. Their eyes met for a brief instant, and both smiled. Then Rae watched as Elsa carefully undid the paper and pulled the leather box from inside. It was obvious this was jewelry, and the corn factor was likely pretty high at the moment, but Rae didn’t care, and El didn’t seem to mind either... When Elsa lifted the lid, the smile she wore grew even more tender, and her eyes lit. “Oh Rae, these are gorgeous.”

Gorgeous is good.

Those dark blue eyes studied first the contents of the box, and then Rae, noting a light flush rising up her neck. “Put them on for me?”

“Are you sure you want me to?” Rae hesitated. She could handle the necklace, though the clasp was tiny, but the earrings… she’d never changed earrings on another person in her life. What if she hurt her?

“Of course.”

So, Rae did. She was right, the necklace was simple, the diamond solitaire fitting perfectly just below the notch above her sternum, right where she’d imagined it, accentuating the length of El’s throat and catching the light in sparkling brilliance. She took a minute to look at her lover, letting her hands settle onto El’s shoulders, before bending forward and placing light kisses above and below the pendant.

“I’m not so sure about the earrings,” Rae said, waiting for El to tell her what to do. There was a strange expression on El’s face, one Rae couldn’t decipher. But when El told her to go ahead, her voice was soft, removing doubts and lending confidence. “Okay. Tell me if I hurt you.”

“You won’t,” Elsa said.

Rae hoped that was true as she removed the amber posts from El’s ears, then took a moment to catch her breath as she reassembled them. They were nowhere near the dresser with its broad top and wide mirror, and for some reason that seemed wrong to Rae, as if she’d made a mistake but wasn’t sure what it was. With nowhere else to put them, she tucked the warm amber posts into the pocket of her jacket and reached for the more substantial gold and diamond hoops she’d chosen. She hated wearing posts herself –they always dug into the side of her head and she’d noticed the same signs of irritation on El. So she’d chosen these small, rather chunky hoops, each with a solitaire set into it. They’d be more comfortable, but even with the hinges she could see they were going to be a bitch to put on from the front.

When Elsa turned her head, though, the problem disappeared. Rae took them from the box, which followed El’s posts into her jacket pocket, then plucking up some courage, Rae fitted and secured first one, then the other, and waited for El to look back at her. That enigmatic look was still there, and Rae had to swallow before her eyes misted up for no apparent reason. Elsa and Rae stood like that for what seemed both a very long time, and no time at all, before Rae found her voice. “Don’t you want to see?” she asked. Then it hit her: the mirror! She should have done this with El before the mirror! God she was an idiot! She could have been happily attached to El’s neck with her arms around her… Damn!

Seconds passed as Elsa simply looked at her, those blue eyes roving her face. “I think I already did,” she said softly, then leaned forward to kiss Rae on the lips. Soft, slow, deep, the kiss was unhurried, less passionate than before, but bewildering in its intensity and layers. When the words soaked into Rae’s brain, the mist that had threatened her eyes was barely controllable, and it was hard to swallow.

“I love you,” Rae said.

Elsa bent her head, believing.

---

They had left her alone, told her to try to sleep, even drugged her – though it wasn’t like she could fight her own body’s tendency toward somnolence. The nurses were worried that the impact of the eye exam would tip Rae into depression. El was worried Rae was going to hit a wall soon over the loss of Tim.

Rae knew all of that, and stayed locked inside the shell of her own anger. She didn’t sleep.

Nor did she feel.

Chapter 12

There didn’t seem to be any sound, but there had to be. She had been listening to the heartbeat of her patient, had screamed as the world had tipped and rolled. There had been the snap of bone, and Tim swearing forward of the bulkhead. He was belted in, the cab a rigid, safe space. His chances of survival were high.

She tightened her grip on the yellow frame of the cot, felt the strength in the old man’s arms as the module yawed then pitched. As the fall continued, some part of her recognized they were over the edge of the cliff.

This was gonna really hurt.

El was gonna be pissed.

She’d promised.

---

Rae lifted her head when she heard the sound of boots on the tiled floor, turning her head toward the door, recognizing the tread as familiar. The tug of a smile played at her lips, and she half expected to hear Tim’s voice call out a greeting.

Twitchy Richie sniffed, and her nascent smile froze.

“Hi Rae,” Hoover said tentatively.

The ring of absence came out of nowhere and hit her hard. She’d expected Tim. She forced the smile anyway, actually glad to hear familiar voices, stuffing away the loss she couldn’t yet allow herself to feel.

“Hey Rae, how you feeling?” Rich asked, coming around to her left.

Great. Not only did she have to figure out how to answer that, but she’d have to divide her attention between left and right. It suddenly occurred to her that all along Elsa had been pretty damned careful in how she’d approached Rae – where she sat and where she stood. They’d covered her eyes again, but even had they left them alone she supposed the whole side question was pretty much moot. Maybe one of them could shine a pen light and sing that damned nursery school song.

But Rich had asked her something… She thought about the question, and turned her head toward him. “’Kay.” Yes! Rae broke into a grin that stretched and stung when it pulled at her face and lip, but was ecstatic all the same.

A real live honest-to-god purposefully meant word! It might hurt like hell, but no way was she gonna stop. Yeehaw! God, friends, work friends, and a real word! El would be so proud!

“We just thought we’d sneak in since we brought in a transfer.” Rich was apparently leading the conversation; she wasn’t really surprised by that. Hoover was just a kid really, and Rich, for all his bumbling and sniffing was basically decent at heart. It was probably his idea to step in and say “hi”. Hoover was likely scared to death to see his FTO like this. “The old guy you and Tim were taking north is back in town. He stopped by and asked about you. He’s been ice fishing with his grandkids.”

Rae let her thoughts skid past the mention of Tim, surprised and grateful to hear about her last patient. She smiled again, and felt one little sliver of worry slip from its place in the universe of her soul.

“Elsa stops by the barn and lets us know how you’re doing. She seems to think it won’t be long before you’ll be on your feet and being a pest.” He sniffed again, and then seemed to gargle whatever it was he’d retrieved.

Yup, that was the Rich she knew. She nodded.

“Hoover, say something you coward,” Rich prompted. “God, Rae, this guy’s a weenie! How’d you tolerate him?” The question was rhetorical, but Rae sensed tension between them. Working with either could be trying. Oh, to be a mouse in the corner of the rig with these two… on second thought, maybe not. It was always a toss-up whether Rich scared her more driving, or taking patient care. Personally she was of the mind he’d make a much better florist or landscaper, someone who could put his creative and nurturing tendencies into something a little less immediate than EMS.

Concentrating, Rae framed the words she wanted to say in her mind first, then willed them onto her tongue. “Stubborn me.” Another grin. Not perfect, but understandable! Sweet!

Hoover was clearing his throat, but he didn’t say anything, and Rae had a feeling she knew why.

She turned to him and waited.

“We should get going,” Hoover finally managed.

She nodded, understanding.

“Yeah, probably,” Rich agreed. “We’ve been working our butts off. It’ll be good when they get in a few replacements. God I’m tired.”

“Christ, Rich!” Hoover barked. His voice was low and he sounded vaguely nauseous. Rich, of course, was oblivious, but Hoover shushed him. “You’re going to be laid up for a while Rae, but we’re looking forward to getting you back. We miss you.”

The thought was nice, but she was starting to realize the chances of her continuing on the career path she’d been on were non-existent. Sure, they’d covered her eyes again and made comments about time and waiting… but that was just so much noise and she knew it. She couldn’t be a medic if she couldn’t see, and that thought led to other concerns Rae didn’t want to face alone…

“Yeah, Rae, get well, okay? We’ll stop in next trip.”

She offered up a smile, but her heart wasn’t in it. Next trip. Yeah, I’ll be here.

“Rae?” Hoover had leaned in close even as she heard Rich leave the room. She tilted her head so he knew she was listening. “I’ve never been so fucking scared in my life,” he said quietly. “And I don’t think I could’ve done a damned thing if it wasn’t for your voice in my head telling me to suck it up and do the job.” He paused, and she smiled in encouragement. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

She shook her head and reached across her body toward where she knew he would be.

He took her good hand and squeezed long and hard, the same kind of clasp they’d shared dozens of times after a hell of a run. It made her think suddenly that maybe she had more friends in the world than she’d realized. “Elsa’s lost without you Rae. Get strong and get your ass home where she needs you to be.”

Surprised, because Hoover was a closet homophobe, Rae realized she’d missed the chance to respond when she heard him leave.

---

The car gleamed, years of assiduous waxing and buffing had lent a depth to the red finish that made the dent in the left quarterpanel stand out even more.

For years she’d been in love with the machine. Every weekend she’d been its happy slave, washing, polishing, using saddle soap on the supple leather of the seats, Armorall on tires and dash. Her attention had barely even slipped when El had entered the picture, the two of them goofing around as Rae cleaned the cars and Elsa grilled or putzed in her garden nearby. At ninety-two thousand miles, the car looked new… but for the new dent.

Rae had twice replaced the clutch, the Yamaha engine of the ‘92 SHO would eat them as surely as tires: the torque of the short stroke was unbelievable. It had been a bitch, and the last time had been only a year ago, Tim helping her, whining all the way. It had taken a week of raw knuckles and enough booze to float a riverboat, but she’d finally found a heavy duty racing clutch that would give her more years, and got it to seat properly. She’d done the brakes at the same time and re-shoed it with high performance Eagle Aqua-treads all around. At $180 a pop, it had been worth it. She and El spent a lot of time in that car. It had always kept them safe.

She glared at it now, as she sat on patio, the lights off the workshop making its lines seem almost liquid. The police had apparently released it today, and Tim had left it here in its outdoor spot without warning her. As she’d pulled into the drive off the alley she’d spotted it crouching there, cowering, guilty. Rae had promptly shut the garage and parked El’s truck out front, coming back here to think because there was a light on inside the house and she didn’t want to talk, or deal with what - and who - waited.

But she wasn’t thinking, she was seething, and the rage inside her had reached boiling point. She didn’t recall picking up the bat that had been by the back door, didn’t pay any attention to how the wood felt under her hands as she rolled it back and forth in her palms. She just stared at the car, and hated.

When she stood, it was a matter of only a few strides to the car as she brought the bat back and swung.

---

Rae hadn’t known she’d fallen asleep until she felt the nurse’s touch on her hip and heard the soft drone of his voice.

“Walter?” she asked, turning toward him.

“Hello Rae. Did you get a good nap?”

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling her ribs protest. At last she could feel her body healing.

“Mmm,” she managed, in answer to Walter’s question.

“It’s pretty late at night. Two naps might add up to actual sleep,” he tendered, going about his duties, his ceaseless movements quiet and sure.

She supposed he was right, but she was feeling trapped and restless. “How long?” she pieced together, turning her head toward him.

He’d stopped moving, standing near Rae’s left side. She seemed lucid, and that was as close to a meaningful sentence as he’d heard from her.

“How long?” he repeated. Walter had been reading patients for many years, and it was clear to him now that no matter how late the hour, this one needed to talk. “How long have you been here?”

He waited, looking to her for guidance, letting her dictate the terms.

She shook her head and pointed at him. “Worked here?” C’mon, Walter, a little help here. She was finally stringing together something that made some kind of sense, and yet the game was still twenty questions. El would’ve gotten it!

“How long have I worked here?” he clarified.

Relieved, she nodded. Her head hurt again, and that low-level buzzing of cicadas was back to wear at the edges of her seemingly marginal patience.

“I’m a Traveler, Rae. Do you know what that means?” When she nodded, he continued. “I’m here on a six month contract. I’ve been here for four.” Which meant he got three times the pay of regular staff, housing, and per diem. It also meant he hadn’t been here three years ago.

“Hate here,” she said, after a moment. “Wrong for El.” She knew he was waiting, but wasn’t sure what else she could manage to say. Or how much she even wanted to. She thought about that a while, and came up with what she really wanted to know. “El, Ok?”

Walter seemed to be weighing his own words, but he answered, “It’s good you got her to go back to work. She smiles more now. All she wants is you, you know.”

Rae did know. “Me her.”

“Well, you just keep that in mind,” he encouraged. “You two are good together.” Walter watched her as she nodded and she knew he was setting her at ease so she could sleep. Of course, it helped his cause that he was telling the truth. “Think you can try to sleep now?”

Rae shook her head, but smiled.

“Well then, how about some lotion on those feet of yours? The air in here is so dry…”

Rae let him ramble and wondered if this was time-honored “Nursing 101”, or if El had told him she loved to have her feet rubbed? Hell, who didn’t?

By the time he’d finished carefully massaging the creases and aches from her left foot, she was drowsy. She didn’t manage to stay awake for much of the right foot, but he finished it anyway.

---

“Rae?”

“Hmm?”

El’s head was over the side of the bed, sweat cooling on her skin, the desperate need for oxygen having eased towards normal as they enjoyed the lull of the temporarily-sated.

“Rae, was that a plant?”

Bedraggled, brown and yellow, its tendrils limp and feeble as they draped pathetically against the sides of the pot in which they had been imprisoned, what was once a magnificent peace lily had given up the ghost.

Rae didn’t even look up; she was enjoying the way El’s hands massaged her foot, chose to ignore the fact that she was responsible for the paragon of neglect El was eyeing. “At one time, maybe.” She really couldn’t scare up much sympathy for the thing. It had spurned her every offer of friendship, vacillating between yellow and brown, ultimately wilting as if choosing death rather than the dubious honor of her company. Damned suicidal bush. Tim, in some misguided bid to get her to develop what he believed to be her latent maternal instincts, had embarked on a plan involving a new sacrificial plant every few months. The lily had been a goner the second he’d picked it.

“Did it occur to you to water it?” El was taking an inordinate amount of interest in the carcass.

“I watered it.” Twice. She recalled each time vividly. She’d been swearing both times, or, that might have been the palm… The look she knew El was giving her from below made her feel mildly guilty. “Tim keeps giving me plants. The only one I’ve been able to keep alive is the fern in the living room.

A blink, and El was biting her lip. She decided it was time to move and wriggled her way up to Rae’s waiting arms.

Rae got the impression, from the look El now favored her with, that she was missing something.

“The fern by the couch?” Tone betraying what was becoming bald amusement, Elsa willed herself not to laugh. It would be highly inappropriate to laugh at the moment, naked and sated, wrapped in Rae’s equally naked embrace. Laughter would be bad…

“It’s the only plant in the apartment, El.” End of topic. Rae squirmed a bit to adjust her frame and feel El’s body beneath her. With a sigh, she put her ear to El’s chest and listened to the whoosh of blood and rushing air. Screw Tim and his damned plants. This was her happy place.

“Rae?”

Intent on the way El’s nipple now rolled beneath her finger, Rae hummed absently in response.

“That’s an air fern.”

“Mmhmm.” Elsa had great nipples. Pink and erect, reaching up to meet her touch or tongue. Absorbed in play, she didn’t catch the nuance in El’s comment.

“Rae?”

“Yes, El?” Rae flicked her lashes across the nipple by her eye, followed with her nose, teasing that sweet bud in slow circles she knew would propagate further south.

“Rae… it’s fake.”

Shifting her position just enough to settle again on El’s shoulder, Rae continued to tease at one breast, as she took the other nipple between her lips, stroking it with her tongue.

Accustomed now to Rae’s penchant for single minded pursuit, Elsa remained secure in her patience. She waited quietly, counting to herself, and as she reached seven Elsa felt the tongue stop. Suddenly Rae was sitting up, looking down at El in stunned disbelief.

“What?”

Elsa stayed silent, but could no longer hide the smirk. Oh, Rae, you’re so damned cute like this!

“No!” Rae was staring at Elsa, in what amounted to horror. Her jaw began to work soundlessly as her brain battled to prioritize her thoughts and articulate her outrage.

“I’ve been spritzing that damned thing with a spray bottle for almost a year!”

That was it. El couldn’t hold back any longer, and she dissolved helplessly into giggles.

“The little shit! He asks me all the time how it’s doing. And I was actually pleased…”

Elsa could barely speak for laughing. “It doesn’t… it doesn’t even have soil!” She swiped at spilling tears, and hiccupped inelegantly.

Unamused green eyes narrowed, lacking appreciation for the joke. “I’m gonna stuff his damned head into the crapper.”

Elsa took a deep breath, finally gaining control of her mirth.

“Rae, do you really want to talk about flushing Tim right now?” As she said it, El arched her back, subtly drawing Rae’s attention back to her breasts, offering herself again.

Rae stared at her and blinked, blinked again, and finally snuggled down to pick up where she’d left off. El was right, of course. Stupid damned question.

“That’s better,” Elsa sighed.

I’m still gonna get the little shit back, though. This is war.

---

Her hand was in Elsa’s and El was humming again. She smiled and turned her face toward her, and got a kiss for her trouble. “Love you,” Rae whispered.

If El was surprised, it didn’t translate, her quiet humming settling close before coming softly to an end. Rae could almost see the smile on her face. “Those are the best words of my life. Did you know that?” Elsa asked, fingers trailing along Rae’s breast bone.

“Mine too,” Rae admitted. It was a simple matter of stretching her neck to place a kiss on El’s chin, and as much as it stirred up the ache and itch of her facial wounds, Rae enjoyed the closeness and the texture of El’s skin against her lips. “Work?”

Elsa sat up a bit, but didn’t pull away. “I’m now a proud telecommuter. Have laptop, will travel.” She was still smiling, Rae could tell, but her tone was a touch rueful. “I wasn’t getting much done at the office. Bob had this set up and I got clearance from both the system and the hospital. You don’t want to know what kind of firewall they set me up with.”

Rae had only a minimal understanding of the designs Elsa worked on in the first place. After more than eight years, she still found it interesting that Aerospace engineering had a design lab in the middle of corn country, much less in the tiny berg of Sleepy Eye, Minnesota. Hell, even Deep Falls was six times the size of Sleepy Eye.

“Just want you.” Jesus! I’m practically singing here!

“You charmer.” El’s fingers swept through Rae’s hair. “Who do I get to be jealous of today?” she asked, enjoying the silky clean feel of amber and brown.

“Walter.” Rae pulled a face that made Elsa laugh. Being bathed like a baby clearly wasn’t Rae’s idea of a good time.

“How are you doing with that? Okay?”

Rae made another face, but it was mostly without any real distaste. “Fussing bad.”

“Oh really? I recall a certain brunette who enjoys having her scalp scratched and her feet rubbed,” Elsa said. “Of course, that’s not so much fussing as fun.”

Rae grinned, but it didn’t last. She needed to know…

“You well?” There were so many things she wanted to ask, but they all came down to one thing. She captured El’s hand, and held it close to her heart. “Tell.” She wanted desperately to look into El’s eyes, to read what she was feeling, if El was as afraid as she was - if they were as okay as she’d determined to keep them.

Another kiss brushed over Rae’s lips. “You want me to tell you how I feel?” Elsa asked.

Nodding, Rae waited, hoping her new-found - and dubious - ‘facility’ with words would be able to fix whatever she heard, hoping she was still who El needed her to be, or even wanted, to make things right again. That El still wanted her, was less the question than did El still need her? What the hell kind of life could she offer El now? What kind of burden would she be, without most of what made her the woman Elsa had fallen in love with? No job, no sight, barely functional and not even able to spit out a sentence, she was gonna have to dig damned deep to do what had once come as naturally as breathing; and a big part of her, trapped here in the too quiet vaults of her brain, wondered if she had the kind of depth she’d need. She doubted it, but damn if she wasn’t going to try! She’d find the strength, somewhere, but what about the words…

“Blessed.” Elsa’s soft voice startled Rae from her spiraling introspection. “I feel truly blessed.”

Suddenly Rae was crying, and this time it was Elsa holding her, calm, reassuring, and strong. She hadn’t needed words after all.

Continued in Part 6

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