by Alex Tryst

Disclaimers: This piece of work is semi-autobiographical based off my journal of the most exciting adventure of my life thus far. I must admit that I did embellish in the end, in order to make things more exciting. In real life love doesn’t always work out, but in fantasy it can if you want it to, and there are times in which I still wonder what might’ve been had things ended the way they did in the book. This piece might be a little less exciting than some of my other works, but if you have any interest in Brazil, the Amazon Jungle, or two young women finding love in the least obvious place, please give this a read. Names have been changed to protect the innocent (or not so innocent as the case may be), and the piece is broken down into different sections, journal entries and actual scenarios.

Dedications: To my wife, you are my fondest wish. To the woman in this book, even though our paths have long since separated, I still think of you and reflect on the fact that you are the one who changed my life forever just by walking into a room. You are the one who finally made me accept myself instead of trying to make myself into something I wasn’t. I’ve had many relationships, but you were the first that had my heart, and I hope someday you might come to embrace your own sexuality for what it really is as well.

Now on with the show....

Feedback: As always comments are welcome and appreciated at alextryst@hotmail.com.

Copyright © April 2001 by Alex Tryst. All Rights Reserved.

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Well, I'm finally here in Brazil. It took forever, but I'm glad I made it. There were a few times I wanted to go home, like when I was sitting in the airport in Sao Paulo. I was really wanting to get back to civilization. It was so hot, humid, dirty, and I just hated the six hours I was there alone with my thoughts. I did have some time to do people watching, though. I must admit there are some attractive Brazilian women. I saw a woman that I thought Robin would resemble in ten years. She was beautiful, just like my love.

Robin...oh light of my life. I am so glad I am here with you now. These past few days apart have been unbearable for me. You were here in Brazil while I was stuck back in the U.S. due to passport problems. Staying with Andrew for those few days until I could fly out to meet our group was difficult for me. He and I had so many conversations about you and of how I longed to confess my love. Those days filled me with heartache. However now as I look up over my journal and see you across the hotel room talking with our other roommate, my heart still aches. You joke with me in ways that hurt to the core. Like just a few minutes ago, you and I had been in our bathroom at the same time alone discussing make up. I asked if it was really worth wearing here given the humidity, and you said no, but then you mentioned the fact that I wear so little anyway, except when I was trying to impress you. Why do you do that Robin? Sometimes I feel like you know about my feelings for you, and you are playing with my emotions.

Oh well. I should end for the night. Today has been a long day, and we start on the second leg of our journey tomorrow, the hammock boat. I look forward to several days on the Amazon River. It has always been a dream of mine to take this trip, and now I'm finally doing it. Not to mention I am taking it with the woman of my dreams. Life can't get much better right now, except if she were to return that love. Oh well. Until next time...

Right now I'm sitting in my hammock (actually tangled is a better word). It's such a beautiful hammock, navy blue and red scotch plaid with white edging. I like it a lot, even though I didn't get to pick it out myself due to my absence from group yesterday morning.

Anyway, we are floating along the Amazon right now. It's wider than I expected. When I think of the Amazon River I think of the way it's portrayed in the movies, a narrow winding body of water with dense vegetation surrounding you from all sides, but it's not like that at all. In reality it's more than a hundred yards wide. Everything is really green. I've never seen so much of it in my life. It's not a dark green, though, more the green you would find on an unripe banana.

Speaking of bananas, I ate one today that had a red peel. It wasn't much different than others I've eaten in my lifetime with the exception that it was sweeter. I tried a mango as well. I've never had one, didn't even know what they were until our guide told me.

I sliced my hand today on a metal scrap on the boat as I descended to bottom deck, so it was a good thing Andrew packed me a little first aid kit. He knows how accident prone I can be. Speaking of Andrew, I'll have to tell him about Robin's comment on my hammock. She told me that my hammock was made for two people and that if she got lonely in hers, which is right next to mine, she'd crawl in and keep me company. I could be wrong, but it sounded like she was flirting with me. Anyway, enough about her.

Our boat is quite interesting. It's main colors are red and white, but the benches we have to sit on are green. The ceiling of the boat, at which I am staring being in my hammock, is baby blue with two strips painted aqua. They were obviously painted after they were put on by how the aqua overlaps onto the blue paint. The helm of the boat is at the very front, and the galley is filled with hammocks gently blowing in the breeze. Towards the back is the captain and crew's quarters, a tiny kitchen, one bathroom for the twenty five of us, and a very small deck with stairs leading to top deck.

Anyway, there are a lot of random people on our boat right now since we stopped off at the floating grocery store type thing. Don't know how to describe it really. It was sort of like a marina at the lake but not quite. It was surprising to me that they had canned goods, though. Who really has a can opener in the middle of the jungle? As far as the new people on board, I've been told we're giving them a lift down river.

I'm kind of bored right now. It's almost 8pm, and I'm thinking I should try to get some sleep. I've been sick today. All this movement made me queasy, but I took some medicine for it. I'm not really tired, but the boat is so cramped with people and stuff on bottom deck, that it's not been pleasant. Top deck is nice, though. There is so much to see in the daylight. I saw some dolphins earlier, but I haven't seen any new animals.

Tomorrow we are starting our jungle expedition, so I hope to see some new things. Right now I see a row of lights on the north shore. It looks like a village. Reminds me of the days on Lake O' the Pines in Texas when I was a kid. We used to have family reunions there every summer. I could still remember the way the lights of the resort twinkled from the distance when we went for late night rides on the boats.

Today was unusually cool and windy, but the humidity was still high. Feels like you're walking around in a steam room all day. Everyone looks so disgustingly gross, well, everyone except Robin. Somehow she had managed to keep herself looking as gorgeous as ever.

I'm going to retire for the night. I'm getting sleepy from my medication, but I'll say more about the river itself tomorrow.

This morning I awoke after most of the others. As soon as I sat up I saw my love sitting there with Stacy having bread and fruit for breakfast. They smiled at me as I slid out of my hammock. "It's about time you got up." Robin mentioned.

I checked my watch. It read a little after 6:30am. Stretching my back I inquired to them, "How did you sleep?"

"Not well at all. The wind was so high last night, and the water was choppy. I think you were the only person that slept last night. All of us were sitting here watching your hammock swing back and forth wildly wondering how long it was going to take before you fell out." Robin answered as I took a seat next to her.

"Oh. I didn't wake up once. Must've still been tired from the flight."

"You looked so cute curled up in a little ball asleep." Robin stated. "You want something to eat?" I nodded still trying to wake up completely. "Well, what do you want? I'll get it for you."

As Robin went to get my morning meal, I dug out my fresh water to brush my teeth and splash my face in an effort to wake. This was my second day without caffeine and I could already feel a headache beginning behind my eyes.

When Robin returned she took her seat next to me again. "Here you go. Hope you like it."

I looked at the plate of assorted fruits and bread. "Thanks." I replied as I watched her snag a piece of mango. I ate in silence, listening to Robin and Stacy chatter about nothing important.

When I had finished breakfast, I just held the plate in my lap, not wanting to get up and moving just yet. Without asking, Robin's hand scooped the plate from my lap and stood. I felt my pulse quicken when her fingers skimmed my bare thigh. "A few of us are going swimming. You want to come?" she inquired.

"No thanks. I'm not much of a swimmer. I think I'll just get ready for our hike later."

Half an hour later I found myself standing at the back of the boat watching the group splash around in the water. I was off in my thoughts of Robin, how beautiful she looked with her wet hair and skin glistening in the sun. I wanted so much to express my feelings, even though I had suspicions she already knew. Seeing Robin swimming toward the boat brought me out of my trance. I looked down at her attempting to climb in unsuccessfully.

"Would you like some help?" I offered after a moment, leaning over the waist high railing and extending my hand.

She clasped it, and I flung her petite frame out of the water as if she weighed nothing. As her body began to emerge I saw straight down the top of her navy one piece to the creamiest, fair-skinned breasts I had ever seen. Her arm came around my neck as I looked into her brown eyes. Our upper bodies brushed together, her wet breasts pressing into mine. I tried desperately to control my breathing and erratic heart, but I swore she could feel it beating out of my chest.

"You are so strong." she whispered as one of her hands squeezed my bicep lightly. I helped her over the railing before she let go of me, saying, "Thanks for the hand."

Day two on the boat. It's 9:30am, and I've been up for almost three hours. It's much warmer today. The sun is out and the water is calmer.

I learned to fish a little while ago. One of our captains was sewing a fishing net last night, and we used it today. That thing weighed more than I thought it would. Funny thing happened, though. The one vegetarian in our group actually caught a fish with the net. I could tell she felt bad, but I guess that's the way it goes. Anyway, the technique was kind of difficult to get down. You had to bite one of the weights as you held it with both hands. The majority of it was slung over your shoulder, and you had to give one good back swing before casting into the water. The captain made it look so easy, but no one got the technique correct. I think I was starting to get it, though, when we left the fishing hole.

Well, I promised to write more about the river, so I guess I'll talk about that a little. If you look out over the water, it looks like a bunch of green things are sticking up, like you would find at a shallow point in the lake. Our guide told me that the greenery is still alive, though. It's been torn off the land by erosion, but they can live on top of the water due to their long root system.

The river's gotten wider again. We're about fifty yards from the north shore, and I can't even see the south shore at all. We are supposed to go on a jungle hike today and sleep in the jungle tonight. I should start preparing, but I'm just not sure what to take. You know, when I packed for this trip, I thought I was being a minimalist, but now I think I brought way too much. I still have to figure out what to get everybody back at home. Andrew deserves a huge gift for all the help he's given me concerning this trip. Of course I know all he really wants and needs is a woman. I could use one of those myself, and the only one I want is on this boat right now, but I'm too scared to say anything. I keep wondering how Robin feels about me. Sometimes it's hard to tell. She's always friendly, but I keep thinking or maybe it's just hoping that she wants more. I think I'm reading into what she says and does a little too much. I just don't know.

Anyway, once again Robin has side tracked me. Back to the Amazon River. It is so beautiful here, very exotic. The river itself is so muddy. You can see the silt just looking at it, and you're not quite sure if you're cleaner or dirtier when you get out after a bath. Well, I really should go. Our hike starts in less than an hour, and I still haven't packed. More to come...

As our group began to pack the necessities for our jungle hike, Robin began to dress for the occasion. I had already changed into a pair of camouflage pants, long sleeved white shirt, and combat boots and was just lounging in my hammock as I watched her try to decide what to bring with her.

"I really don't want to wear this shirt." she mentioned to me holding up a long sleeved brown shirt.

"Why? You look great in that shirt." I replied remembering the first time I saw it on her. She wore it the day we all went to the airport. She had been asleep in the van most of the trip, and I had just quietly watched her sleep curled up into a little ball, her head leaned up against the window. She had been shivering, so I took off my coat and wrapped it around her gently. "I'll tell you what. If you don't want to wear it, you can wear mine, if you'd like."

She looked me over before saying, "Okay. I'll trade you." I slid out of the hammock to my feet and slowly began to unbutton my shirt. She was watching me intently as my bare skin became exposed. Slipping the shirt off my shoulders, I stood in only my sports bra and pants. I held the shirt out for her to take. I could have sworn I saw her eyes flitter over my upper body quickly before taking the shirt from my hands and tossing me hers in return. "Thanks." she mumbled.

Our hike started out at a slow pace, our guides stopping to tell us things every few minutes. The sun was blazing, but the canopy of the jungle covered us in shade. The humidity though was down right unbearable. It seemed as if every few minutes I was taking a drink out of the water bottle Robin and I were sharing.

We hiked together most of the day, making small talk. I felt wonderful being so near her. We had only hiked for a few hours, when our guides decided to stop us for the night. It was late afternoon, and we needed to make a shelter for our jungle camp. The guides began working at a steady pace cutting palm branches from near by trees for our covering. Most of us girls sat or stood around talking about things we had seen on the first leg of our hike, but I was quiet, focusing mainly on Robin sitting across the way from me. Our eyes kept meeting every few minutes, and she would always present me with a sweet smile. Once our shelter was finished, I stowed my back pack out of the way.

"Where are you going to sleep, Robin?" I inquired with interest.

"Next to you." she answered jokingly, getting a laugh out of a few of the girls.

I knew she was making fun of me. The day had gone too well for me, thus far, and I knew there had to be at least one moment, when she would make me the source of a joke. It had happened everyday since we had gotten to Brazil, and even though I had expected it, it still stung whenever it happen. Regardless I tucked her back pack next to mine, and the decided I needed to find different company for a little while.

I ignored Robin the rest of the evening, because her last joke had hurt me more than I expected. I ached at the thought of lying next to her, our bodies close together as we slept, and I knew she knew that. After dinner, most of the group began to do their nightly routine to ready themselves for bed. I hiked off some distance away to take care of a nature call and brush my teeth, before heading back to camp. As I neared I saw Robin walking toward me.

"Hey." softly she greeted. "Can I sleep next to you tonight? I'm kind of scared with all these noises. Would you protect me?"

My heart melted at her request. "Of course, I will. I'll save a spot for you."

A few minutes later Robin laid down next to me on the palm leaves. Everyone was settling down to sleep for the night. She laid with her back to me and was silent. I just looked at the distance between us, less that a foot. This was a moment that I had dreamed about since I had met her, sleeping this close to the most beautiful woman I had ever met.

I had never been one to fall asleep easily in strange places, so I knew tonight would be no exception. Between Robin so close, the hard ground underneath, and the night sounds of the jungle, I was wide awake. I gazed at Robin for a long time as I wondered if she was asleep, and if she was, of what she was dreaming. There were no voices in the camp, letting me know that most people were on their way to being fast asleep.

My need to touch her was growing stronger, and I wondered if she would wake if I placed my hand on her shoulder. Feeling braver under the cover of night, I rolled onto my side facing her and inched my body closer. I leaned up onto my elbow and looked at her. She seemed to be sleeping soundly. Slowly I moved my hand toward her and placed it on her shoulder, but as soon as I touched her, she rolled over onto her back and opened her eyes, meeting my gaze.

"I hope whatever I felt touching me was you." she whispered. I nodded in affirmation. "Good. I wasn't going to like it if it was a bug."

Dropping my hand onto her stomach, I leaned towards her mouth as if drawn to the lips by a greater power. How I had longed for the taste of her. Suddenly I felt a hand on my chest applying resistance.

"What are you doing?" she asked softly.

"What's it look like?" I answered feeling confidence in the dark.

"Not here. Someone will see."

"No one is awake, Robin. They'll never know." I stated leaning down to her, covering her mouth from further protests. Oh the taste of her lips on mine! The kiss began gently to assure her that no one would find out, but as moments passed, I felt my need begin to over take me. I pressed my mouth into hers demandingly, sliding my tongue past her lips when they opened to let a whimper escape. I felt her hand move from my chest around my neck as the other moved to my back. I rolled onto her, straddling her thigh with my legs. After a few moments of attending to her lips, I moved to her neck. "God, you feel so good." I whispered feeling her body start to rock underneath my weight. My hand slid up to cup a breasts through her shirt. She gasped. "Shh. You don't want to wake anyone, do you?" I asked.

"Wait, please. We can't do this here." she pleaded. I looked into her eyes. She was panicked and anxious. I rolled off of her cursing at myself mentally for thinking she would actually feel all right with this. She had never been with a woman before. She'd never even been intimate with a man before, so why would I suddenly become an exception? I looked over at her feeling her eyes on me.

"Hold me, please." she requested. My heart fluttered. Maybe I hadn't screwed things up completely. Bringing my body to hers, I wrapped her in my arms. Neither of us spoke the rest of the night as we drifted in and out of consciousness.

The following morning I was one of the last people to rise. I hadn't gotten much sleep, but my spirits were high given the experience I had shared with Robin. Once we broke camp, we started on a long hike back to our boat. No one seemed to be in a good mood. Apparently no one had slept much that previous night, making me wonder if anyone had actually heard Robin and me. Robin didn't speak much to me that morning, nor did she walk with me.

An hour into our return hike, all of us were out of water. The lack of sleep and dehydration were making my body weak. However, our guides provided us with an alternative solution to our water problem by cutting open vines from some nearby trees. Everyone filled their water jugs, and I was even so thirsty as to drink directly from the water source after filling my canteen. The water tasted like bark. It was murky in color and didn't look at all suitable to drink, but in desperation, I appreciatively drank what was offered to me.

The walk back to the boat was fairly miserable for me. It was so humid, and I had run out of water a second time. My legs felt heavy with each step, and I was aching for a moment's rest. However I knew that if I sat, I would not want to get up again any time in the near future, so I stumbled along the best I could. Several times I tripped and almost came crashing onto my face. Finally we made it back to the beach. My body didn't want to go any further, but I knew I had to keep going. The rest of the group was ahead of me by several yards. I leaned against a palm tree momentarily trying to gather any strength my body had left. My eyes felt groggy, and just as I was about to fall onto the sand, I saw Robin in my mind in her wet bathing suit. I had heard her talking to someone about going for a swim when she returned to the boat. I found my body gaining strength, knowing I didn't want to miss that sight.

When I finally reached the boat, many of the girls were already in the water. I felt the need for a quick bath before taking a well-deserved rest, so I slipped into my bathing suit as well and waded thigh high into the water. After a quick scrub down, I fell into my hammock where I remained for most of the rest of the day.

Well, I'm back on the boat after a night in the jungle. It was quite an experience for me, and as glad as I was to have it, I wouldn't want to do it again. It was so hot and humid that I was miserable.

When we started our hike yesterday, Robin and I were walking together. I felt so wonderful having her near me. I thought my life couldn't get much better but boy was I wrong! As we settled down to sleep last night, she asked to sleep next to me! It made me feel so good when she asked. It was if I made her feel safe, which fills me with joy. I can't believe what I did though. I actually made a move on her. Her mouth felt so good, and her body felt so wonderful under mine. Part of me feels like that was just a dream. The kissing and holding each other all night, but finally it was reality! I can't even describe how I feel right now. Although, I am a little concerned. Robin hasn't spoken to me much since then. She didn't hike with me, and it feels like she is trying to avoid me. Maybe I pushed too hard. Maybe she regrets what happened. I hope not. I don't know if I could handle it if I had one taste and then was denied again. What do I do now?

Sorry I didn't write more yesterday. I just wasn't in the mood. I was tired and confused. Today I slept in until 8:45, which is extremely late around here. I would've stayed in my hammock longer if the bathroom hadn't been calling my name, and Robin hadn't tried to jump into my hammock for a visit. It was funny watching her try to jump up, but with a helping hand from me, she tumbled in, falling right onto my very full bladder. However I wasn't going to move for anything once I felt her relax into my embrace. We sat silently for a few minutes, our legs tangled together, looking out over the water. Regretfully I finally had to leave the warm cocoon for the bathroom. We are going to visit an indigenous village today. I'm excited about that, but I'm more excited about the new direction my relationship with Robin is taking. I'll write more later after we see the village.

When we stepped off the boat at the village, I was in shock. I had never actually seen living conditions like this before. Our guides gave us a tour of the village, but my mind kept wandering to the petite brunette walking a few feet ahead of me. We still hadn't spoken about the kiss. My friend Erin had approached me yesterday afternoon and confessed that she had heard Robin and me that night. I wonder who else heard, and I also wondered if people were talking about us behind our backs. I knew Robin was sensitive to that kind of thing, and I hoped that it wouldn't scare her off.

After our tour, the girls thought it would be fun to teach the children a game, deciding "Duck, Duck, Goose" would be the easiest. I just watched the excitement and Robin as she helped entertain the kids. An afternoon rain sent me inside to their open-air church were I could watch and keep dry.

Soon the kids tired of the game and started playing a version of "Dodge Ball", while our group watched over them. I thought I was alone, but steps behind me made me turn. Erin, Robin, and a little girl entered the church. I saw Erin give me a knowing smile before pretending to ignore us. Robin looked at me with a smile but was silent. We continued to watch the game in progress. I paid little attention to the child until Robin's voice called to me.

"You know she's mimicking you."

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"The little girl. She's copying everything you do."

I grinned at the girl as she shyly looked up at me. I extended my hand to her, which she took after a moment's hesitation, and I brought her to my lap. She was shy but curious about me as her hands explored my clothing, face, hair and glasses.

"Hey, Robin. Will you take a picture of us?" I asked seeing Robin watching the encounter.

"Sure." she replied taking the camera from my hands. Her fingers lingered on mine a little longer than necessary. I smiled up at her, and she blushed as if embarrassed by being caught.

I quickly looked around and seeing Erin leave the church, I whispered, "You know, you look beautiful right now. That's a lovely shade of pink."

She flushed harder, mumbling, "Thank you."

Later that afternoon, I was just lounging on top deck when Robin and Stacy approached me. "Hey, we're going canoeing. Want to come?" Stacy asked.

Knowing Robin was going, I answered, "Sounds good. Let's go."

As soon as we got in the canoe, I realized that they were not going to help paddle. "I see how it is, ladies. You just wanted me to come, so you didn't have to paddle. That's it, isn't it?"

"But you're so good at it. Look at you, the way your arms move, the way your stomach crunches with effort." Robin mentioned.

"However that's not really why we brought you." Stacy quickly stated.

"Then why did you?"

Robin threw a bottle of liquid soap at me. "Because it's bath time, and you stink. If I have to sleep next to you, I don't want to smell you." she joked.

"Very funny. I don't smell, do I?"

"No. I'm just teasing." Robin laughed. "But since, you're here, you might as well bathe."

The three of us sat in the canoe lathering our bodies with soap. Robin and Stacy were talking, but I was too mesmerized by Robin's hands roaming over her bathing suit clad skin to hear what they were saying. Had Stacy not been there, Robin would've been on the receiving end of a strong lip lock by now. I knew this was part of her game. She wanted me to see her like this. She knew it would drive me crazy by the wicked gleam in her eyes when her gaze finally met mine.

Baths seemed to take an eternity to me. It was an exquisite torture she had devised, and she knew it by the way I was watching her every move. Finally we made it back to the boat. When I pulled the canoe up to the shoreline, Robin stepped out without a word to me, but Stacy squeezed my shoulder lightly saying, "Thanks for the ride."

Second entry for today. The village we visited today was quite an experience. There were about thirty five families living there, and I could hardly believe how many children there were running around.

Our group taught them a few new games like "Duck, Duck, Goose" and "Simon Says". Most of the time I was there I just watched the activities around me. Robin was looking so beautiful. Children kept surrounding her, and I found myself fantasizing about being married to her with a pack of kids of our own. She would make a wonderful mother.

There was a little girl that kept following me around and imitating me. I found out from our guide that her name was Domeka. I don't know how old she was, because all the children here are so small, but I would guess she was about eight. I gave her a piggyback ride through the whole village, and then we stopped to watch the women making manioc, which is their staple and kind of like a potato.

After lunch Stacy, Robin, and I took a canoe out to bathe. God, did Robin look sexy. I knew she was teasing me the whole time, but I would love to live this torture everyday! She is more gorgeous everyday, and I can't help but loving her.

Well, I have to say yesterday was my favorite day thus far. I loved the village and the people there. This morning our guides took a few of us fishing for pirana. I love fishing, but I wasn't quite sure I wanted to catch anything. I wondered what I would do if I actually got a pirana on the end of my line. I wouldn't want to even go near it. Fortunately, the fish were biting but were too quick for us to catch. Better luck next time I suppose.

I think I'm starting to get a bladder infection, so I'm drinking as much water as I can possibly stand. I broke down and had a coke today, the first one since I've been here. It tasted funny though. There's more syrup in it than back at home. I'm going to go for now. I just don't have much energy today.

We've stopped at another village. The children were in school, so I got a feel for the education system. This school only goes up to the third grade. Their teacher seemed very friendly. The kids weren't nearly as fascinated with us as the last village though. I was told that they actually had been visited before by tourist, so I guess that would tend to get old in such a small village. They are having a party tonight and have asked our group to join the celebration. I'm looking forward to that. I hope I am feeling better by then. I am feeling much worse since yesterday. My lower back is so sore, and last night people's hammocks kept hitting mine making me feel all the more miserable. Well, I'm going to take a nap now, so hopefully I can have energy for the party.

The sun was starting to set that afternoon as we went back into the village for their festival. My health was getting even worse, but I was determined to be a part of the party for as long as I could. I sat down painfully in a nearby chair. Lately I hadn't been able to find a comfortable position for my body. Every time I moved pains shot out from my lower back.

Last night our interpreter, a older woman in her fifties came to talk to me on top deck. She said that the cook, who was the captain's wife, was asking about my health. As we spoke her hands ran over my back to the spot that I had indicated, and I yelped in pain as she pressed lightly into back lower back on either side of my spine. I saw the concern in her face, but she assured me that I would get to feeling better.

Now I sat uncomfortably in this chair, wondering if she was hiding something from me. Obviously this was not a bladder infection like everyone first thought. I never had been in so much pain in all my life. Breaking my foot wasn't even close to the discomfort I was feeling now.

My concerns vanished as I saw Robin walking toward me with a smile. "How are you feeling?" she inquired.

I shrugged putting on a strong front. "Okay. You want to sit down?" I asked beginning to stand, but she pushed me back into the seat.

"No, no. You sit. You're the sick one."

"Well, there's a seat for you right here." I said patting my knee. She smiled at me a moment before taking a seat on my thigh. As good as I wanted it to feel, the extra weight of her body pressing into mine made my body hurt all the more. After a few minutes I whispered, "I'm going to go back to the boat. I think I'm about to throw up."

"You want me to come with you?" she inquired in concern.

"No. You stay here and enjoy the party."

I stumbled back to the boat and practically fell onto one of the benches. Pain racked my midsection. I couldn't even move. The urge to throw up came back to me, and I barely made it to my knees to lean over the side of the boat before my stomach began involuntarily contracting, revolting against me. I didn't even know my stomach could hold that much as I saw it disappear into the murky water below. I didn't even feel that hand on my back or the one lightly rubbing my stomach until my stomach had relieved all its contents. Weakly I looked over my shoulder, knowing that whoever was holding me right then was a Godsend. My eyes met the gaze of the cook. Even though we had no common words to communicate, none were needed. Her eyes spoke of all the concern and caring a mother would. She cradled me to her body as she lowered me back onto the bench. I closed my eyes feeling her fingers gently brushing back my sweat drenched hair. After a few moments she left me alone, and I began to drift. However a touch to my cheek woke me. She was standing over me holding a tin cup. When she extending it to me, I looked over the rim to see a dark brown liquid. It looked like muddy water, but deciding I couldn't feel much worse, I accepted the drink. Quickly I dark the warm, bark-tasting liquid before handing the mug back to her. She tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear before turning away.

I could feel myself becoming very sleepy after about twenty minutes. I was fighting hard to stay awake. I just knew this was the end. I couldn't bear the thought of breathing my last breath without seeing my love one last time. I had to get back to her, but I could hardly move. Just then I saw someone climb onto the boat. "Hey, how you doing?" Erin's familiar voice asked.

"Not good. I need help getting into my hammock."

"All right. I'll help you up." Erin grabbed me by the waist and helped me stand on shaky legs. "Come on. You can do this. It's only a few feet away." We slowly moved to where my hammock was hanging, gently blowing in the slight breeze. I leaned into it to rest. "Come on. Let's just get you in it." Erin persisted.

"I'm just so tired." I mumbled.

"I know. I'll help lift you up. Come on. On the count of three."

Once I had settled into my hammock, I turned to Erin. "I need to see Robin. Please, would you go get her?"

"Sure. No problem. You don't go anywhere." she joked trying to lighten my mood.

The minutes seemed like hours. My eyes kept getting heavier. I could feel them closing, but I fought against it desperately. I heard someone on the boat and lifted my head slightly to try to see who it was. My love was walking toward me.

"Hey." she whispered coming to my hammock. I looked up at her pitifully.

She was radiant. Her skin was glistening with a sheen of sweat, and she had a glow about her. "I just needed to see you." I mumbled. "I just needed to hold you for a moment." She nodded leaning in, so I could wrap my arms around her. Since she was too small to climb up to me, and I was too weak to lift her, I just held her as close as I could given the situation. Her cheek felt warm against mine. I gently rubbed the nape of her neck and played with her hair. I had never felt closer to her as I did at that moment. After a few minutes I pulled away slightly and stroked her cheek. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known."

"You're so sweet." she answered blushing.

"I think you know that I love you." I stated figuring I had to at least tell her once.

"I know. I really think you need to sleep now." she suggested.

"No. I don't want to. I don't want to close my eyes."

"You need to. You're very sick. I promise to be here when you wake."

"Promise?"

"Yes. Now please, for me, would you close your eyes and try to rest?"

"Okay, Robin, for you." I mumbled as the weight of my eyelids became unbearably heavy. Even with my eyes closed I knew she was still standing over me. Several minutes passed, and then I felt her lips on my ear.

"Sweet dreams, love." she whispered.

As I heard her walk away, I smiled to myself. If I never lived to see another day, I could now die happy, knowing the woman of my dreams loved me.

Well, it's 10:20 in the morning, and I've been up for almost three hours now. For the past several days I've been incredibly ill with some sort of virus. At least that's what the doctors have said.

Our group is here at a place called Espersanca in Santarem. It's a clinic, and doctors travel from around the world to volunteer here. I'm not really sure of how I got into this room or bed exactly. Yesterday was such a blur for me. When I fell asleep after seeing Robin the night I was really sick, I wasn't sure what happened.

Apparently our captain had moved us six hours down river to a city called Parintins, where we caught a flight out of the jungle. I could hardly function, but everyone seemed to be very aware of me and what I was doing. I felt as if I had twenty babysitters. As soon as we got to Espersanca, I was ushered off to a doctor. Normally, I would have refused, but I was in no shape to put up a fight as I laid on a examination table.

My doctor that day was Bolivian. He was gentle with during his exam and tried to reassure me in his broken English that I would be all right. He said I had a virus similar to the flu, but I've never known the flu to feel this bad. It was suggested that I get several days of bed rest, leaving me alone while the rest of our group work on our scheduled community service project. I slept all day the first day until the group returned. That's when I realized Robin and I were sharing a room together. Even though the chance to be completely alone with her was thrilling for me, I had no energy to pursue her for intimacy. In fact I could hardly even move from my bed.

Today I'm feeling much better, though. I've been up and about for a little bit. My strength is returning, so tonight I am looking forward to having some alone time with Robin. She has been so kind to me the last few days, getting me water and food whenever I needed it. She's helped my in and out of bed and sat with me when I was in need of company. I can't help but love that woman. She is everything I ever wanted. I hope tonight I get to show her how much I care about her, if she'll let me.

Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that she's a twenty year old virgin. We've talked about it before, and she swears that it's only because she hasn't met the right person, and that if she was in love, she would want to give herself to them completely. I wish I were that person! I want to be them more than anything else in this world! Well, I should go for now. I need to think of the best way to seduce the woman of my dreams!

Around 4:00 that afternoon, I heard the key in the door to our room. I was still in bed but had managed to get dressed for the day. Robin opened the door and smiled brightly at me. "You're looking much better today. How are you feeling?"

"Better. I've been up and walking around a little, visiting with some of the doctors and reading."

"Well, a bunch of the girls want to go to a club tonight. You feel up to it?"

"No. I'm probably going to pass. The doctors told me that I should rest at least until tomorrow. Are you going to go?"

"I hadn't decided. Probably not if you're not. Besides, I should be catching up on my journal entries. There is so much I want to write down before I forget." I nodded in agreement. "Listen, why don't you come sit outside in the hammock with me until dinner." she suggested. "I'm sure the fresh air will do you good."

We both sat down in the hammock facing each other, our legs tangled between us. I just sat enjoying the quiet moment as I watched Robin writing in her journal. As she flipped the page of her notebook, I spotted a sketch. I tried to look closer but her hand had covered most of the drawing.

I reached for the notebook asking, "May I?" I didn't give her time to answer as I pulled it out of her hand and looked at the drawing. I saw her blush before I looked at the picture. It was of me asleep in bed. "When did you do this? It's great."

"Last night when you were asleep."

"It's fabulous. You're really good."

"Thanks." she mumbled reaching for her journal, obviously embarrassed by being caught.

That evening after most of the girls went out, Robin and I retired to our room. I prepared for bed first, and then tried to organize my thoughts as she was in the bathroom. This was the first time I'd ever be alone with her since our relationship had begun to grow, and I wanted things to go perfectly.

When she returned from the bathroom, she started to move toward her twin bed, but I stopped her. "Come sit with me." I suggested. She hesitated but then slowly came to my bedside. She straddled my legs and sat facing me. I could tell she was nervous as she picked at a hole forming in my white t-shirt. "So, here we are alone. I'm so glad." I said bringing her body closer to mine. She just nodded. "Are you all right?"

"I'm just a little nervous. I've never been in a position like this."

"It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. You can trust me."

"I know, and I do trust you." she answered meeting my eyes.

We started kissing slowly. It was such a heavenly feeling to have her body pressed into mine. I began a leisurely pace, not wanting to scare her. I gave her mouth and neck endless attention before testing the waters with my hands. I ducked in to kiss her breast through her t-shirt as my hand came up between her thighs. She whimpered involuntarily as she pushed her chest towards my face. I could feel the warmth and moisture against my hand telling me that she was beginning to return the feelings of arousal. Slowly I pulled her t-shirt over her head before doing the same to mine. I groaned when I felt her bare breasts brush into mine for the first time. Foreplay had never seemed so long to me. I took my time exploring every inch of her bare skin as I finally pushed her off my lap onto the bed. After spending a lengthy amount of time ravishing her full breasts, I moved down her stomach and eased off her pajama pants as I kissed her hips. I worked myself out of my shorts while continuing to kiss her thighs. Once we were both naked, I eased my body off her for a moment to take in this vision. For over a year and a half I had dreamed of this sweet moment. Smiling to myself in triumph, I lowered my head between her thighs. She screamed the instant my mouth touched her. One of her hands grabbed a fistful of my hair and the other my shoulder. I could feel her straining to push my face closer as her hips lifted off the bed.

"God, Robin, you taste better than I ever imagined." I moaned. She whimpered in reply. I took my time with her trying to make the feeling last, but I could feel her legs begin to twitch and strain, signaling the that she was about to peak. I knew I wanted to be inside of her when the moment occurred, so I stopped my ministration with my tongue and began to kiss her up body, but my hand came up to take its place at her entrance. Her body was frantically bucking under mine now, desperately seeking that ultimate release. I knew that the next few seconds would forever change our relationship. She would never again the be virgin saint I had always seen. She would now be this wanton woman straining to complete this glorious event.

I kissed her lips reassuringly as I slid inside. I felt her body tense but then begin to relax once again. I could feel the resistance against my probing fingers, but I didn't want to breakthrough the final barrier until she was at climax, so the pain could be minimized. I could feel her body preparing itself for an earth-shattering release, and I knew it was time. Locking onto her mouth roughly, I dove my tongue down her throat as I thrust into her with all my weight. I felt her scream into my mouth, but once the initial pain was gone, she was moaning and whimpering as spasms shook her body. I felt my own body climax at the sound and feel of her contracting around me.

"I love you so much, Robin." I groaned as my own body shuddered. I felt her arms tighten around my naked frame in response. Several minutes passed in silence. Once her body relaxed, I gently pulled out, feeling her shake under my body. "I've got you, baby." I assured her. I started to move away from her to stretch when I noticed the blood dripping down my thigh. "Looks like I need to go get cleaned up. Be right back, beautiful." I whispered kissing her as I rose from bed. Going into the bathroom, I wet a washcloth and began wiping my body of the evidence of our love making. I had only been in there a moment when she opened the door.

"I need to clean up too." she mentioned.

I smiled at her suggesting, "A shower would probably do us both some good. How about it?" She nodded, so I turned on the shower for us. Taking her hand I led her under the warm spray. We stood there for what seemed like eternity just holding each other, her face nuzzled into my neck as my hands roamed over her bare back. Finally I began to wash her body as she stood weakly in my embrace. I took great care to be gentle with each of my movements knowing she was probably sore from the night's activities. Once I had rinsed her off, I kissed her on top of the head and told her that I'd be in as soon as I finished. She nodded and headed back to our room in only a towel.

When I came back to our room, Robin was dressed in her pajamas again and lying in her bed. I dropped my towel on the only chair in the room and crawled into next to her. Sliding my arms around her body I pulled her close to me. "How are you feeling? Are you sore at all?" I inquired softly.

"A little."

"Well, I tried to be gentle with you. I hope I wasn't too rough."

"No, you weren't rough." she answered. Taking a breath she said, "You must be tired. You're not completely well yet. We should probably get to sleep."

"You're right. I am feeling a little tired. Good night, love." I whispered in her ear before kissing it gently.

I woke up in bed alone this morning. I had expected to have Robin's pretty face greet me, but it didn't happen. At first I thought that maybe what had happened had just been an incredible dream, but as I became more aware, I realized I was in Robin's bed. I looked to mine and saw the evidence of our passion.

That was a couple of hours ago. I still haven't seen Robin. I went to the mess hall for a little breakfast, but everyone said she had already been in to eat. I wonder if something is wrong. After such a wonderful night, I hope she isn't regretting it. I know she loves me, because she gave herself to me. That was her rule, so I know that she has to care, but maybe she's still having a hard time addressing some of the more serious issues involved. After all, she does come from a conservative Catholic family. Maybe this was too fast for her, but still she slept with me. That has to mean something to her and to us. I know it means everything to me. Well, enough about Robin for a moment.

We're going to be heading out today for Belem. It's's on the coast of the Atlantic and the Amazon. I hope that Robin and I get put in the same room together again, so we can pick up from last night. I don't think I could ever get enough of that woman now. Everything about her was better than I ever imagined. None of my fantasies ever came close to what we shared. God, I am so in love with her! Well, more once we get to Belem. Right now I have to start packing my stuff.

I'm in my hotel room in Belem right now. Robin and I are not rooming together, which depresses me, but she was acting weird today. She wouldn't talk to me at all. I tried to make conversation with her during the plane flight, but she just ignored me. This is not good. I'm just going to leave her alone for the rest of the day. Maybe she just has a lot on her mind right now, but I hope she doesn't regret the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know if I could bear that!

Erin and I have decided to go out tonight to the movies. Should be interesting. Never seen a movie in Portuguese before, so will see how it goes. Then tomorrow we're all going to the beach, since it's our last real day in Brazil. We leave on the 29th to go home. I really hope Robin and I get things sorted out before getting back to school. I just know that once she's back with her friends, they'll try to make her forget me. I know them well enough to know that. We'll see what happens.

Robin, Stacy, and I all climbed into one of the cabs headed for the beach. I hadn't slept much the night before given that Erin and I stayed up most of the night wandering the streets of Belem as I told her about Robin. Even though she was ignoring me a little today, she still chose to sit next to me in the taxi, which was nice. I slid my arm around her shoulders as we took the hour ride to the beach, and she never tried to push me away, but she didn't say much either.

Once we all got the beach, our group settled down on our towels. Robin didn't say anything to me as I laid mine out next to hers, but she did scowl at me. I have a horrible feeling that she's upset over the other night. She hasn't been the same around me since we had sex.

Silence prevailed between us for several hours as she pretended to sleep. Most of the girls went off to find food for lunch, leaving the two of us alone. I contemplated confronting her. I needed to know where we stood, so I leaned close to her ear whispering, "I know you're not asleep. You're going to have to talk to me sometime." She opened her eyes and gazed up at me. "What's wrong, Robin? What have I done to deserve this silent treatment?"

"You know what you did."

"No, I really don't. You've been acting weird since the night we made love at Espersanca."

"Don't say that." she stated looking around.

"Say what? Made love? Isn't that what it was?" I inquired reaching to touch her ear sweetly.

She dodged my hand. "Don't touch me. That's not what it was, and you know it." sharply she replied.

"Then what was it?" I asked incredulously.

"You took advantage of me!"

"You can't actually believe that! My God, Robin, you had sex with me! I never forced you into it! You never said no!"

"Shut up! I don't anyone to hear you!"

My heart started to break. The love of my life wanted to deny the feelings we had shared that night. "Robin, why are you doing this? I love you, and furthermore you love me. I know you do." I persisted.

"I know you think you love me, but I don't share those feelings."

I was glad I was wearing sunglasses, so she couldn't see the tears forming in my eyes. "Then how could you sleep with me? How could you give your virginity to me? You've told me many times before that you would be in love with the first person you had sex with."

"Look, I don't want to talk about this any more. I don't love you, and as far as I'm concerned the other night never happened."

I stared deeply into her eyes trying desperately to find the tenderness that we had shared over the past few weeks, but I couldn't find it in her gaze. Feeling hurt and deflated, I left my towel and waded into the water. I knew she was watching me, but I didn't dare turn around for fear that I couldn't hide pain from my features.

I don't know how long I stood in that water weeping, but all of a sudden I felt someone jump onto my back knocking me under the waves. When I came up for air, I saw Erin laughing until she met my eyes.

"Dude, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" she asked in concern.

"No. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"It's Robin. She wants me to pretend that we never had sex. She just wants to forget about everything. I can't do that, Erin. You know I can't. If she didn't love me, she wouldn't have given herself to me. I know that."

"Maybe she's just a slut, and you didn't know it. Maybe she just was just horny for whatever she could get."

"Don't call her that, Erin! She's not a slut! She was a virgin for God's sake! She didn't want just anyone! She wanted me!"

"All right. I'm sorry. Calm down. I don't know what to tell you, my friend. It's obvious she wants to put it behind her."

"Well, I can't. She's everything I ever wanted! How can I just let that go?"

Erin put her arm around me. "Look, just forget about it for now. Worry about it when we get back to school. She probably just needs time to figure it all out. Give her some space. Things can't get any worse. Right?"

"I guess so."

"Good. Now in the mean time, you just have to pretend that everything is fine. Don't let her see you upset. She gets a great thrill out of playing with your emotions. I've seen her do it this whole trip. Just act normal. As soon as she realizes that she's not getting to you, she'll come back."

"I hope so."

"Come on. I'll buy you some lunch." Erin stated walking us out of the water.

We went to pick up my towel and found Robin gone. I wrapped it around my waist as we headed for the closest restaurant. Most of our group was hanging out there, eating and talking with Brazilian guys. Erin and I sat at a table to ourselves and talked as I watched Robin subtly. She was back to ignoring me again.

On the taxi ride back to our hotel, Robin rode with someone else. I was trying to take Erin's advice and pretend to be in good spirits, but my insides were dying. After getting dressed for the evening, I headed down to the bar until it was time to meet the group for our special dinner. I stumbled out of the bar and into the lobby a couple of hours later to see our group gathering. Seeing Robin looking down right provocative in her sundress, I sauntered over to her and slid my arms around her waist. She glared at me. "Hey there, beautiful." I greeted.

She pushed me off slightly. "Are you drunk?" she asked seriously. I shook my head. "Well, you're acting like it."

"I'm not drunk, Robin. I'm perfectly fine." She shook her head at me. I tried to put my arms around her again, but she stepped out of the embrace. "What's wrong with you?" I asked in frustration.

"Didn't we talk about this already today? I asked you not to touch me. I meant it."

"Fine. Be that way." I replied backing off and turning my attention to Erin.

"Be cool. Don't do something you'll regret." Erin warned me.

"I'm fine. She's the one being a bitch."

"Yeah, I know, but you're hurting. I can see it in your eyes. Don't let her see that. She's got you where she wants you if you let her see that."

During dinner I watched Robin who sat almost opposite the table from me as I chatted with girls that were sitting close by. She didn't even look at me once during the whole meal. I continued to drink several rum and cokes once we'd gotten to the restaurant, so I was feeling more confident with staring at her. I knew she felt my gaze even though she didn't return it.

When the bill arrived, we all began to separate out who was supposed to pay for what when I looked over at Robin. "Hey, Robin." I shouted over all the voices. She didn't look at me, so I tried again. When I didn't get her attention the second time, I stood up from the table and yelled her name over the noise. Her eyes came up to meet mine as the noise began to settle. "You know you owe me money for the cab fare this afternoon." I mentioned.

"Oh yeah. I'll pay you back when we get to the hotel." she answered.

Before I could stop myself, my mouth replied, "I can think of a way for you to pay me once we get back to the hotel." Suddenly the table fell completely silent.

"Excuse me?" she questioned standing.

"You heard me, Robin. Just let me fuck you again, and we'll call it even." I snarled in anger.

She started moving toward me yelling, "How dare you say that to me?"

"Oh come on! It's not like they didn't all know! Everyone heard us that night in the jungle! Why do you think they stuck us together at Espersanca? They wanted to see what kind of a woman you really were! Well, now they know! Now they know that you're so scared of being called a dyke, that you'd rather pretend you didn't let me fuck your brains out!"

"Shut the fuck up! You're drunk, and you have know idea what you're talking about!" she screamed.

"Oh yeah? Well, at least I know what I am, Robin, and I don't pretend to be anything else! You're in love with me, but you're too fucking scared to admit it! You're scared for people to find out you had sex with another woman! Just admit that you liked it! Admit that you love me! That's all I'm asking!" My eyes had started to blur from alcohol and tears so badly that I never saw the slap until I felt the sting on the side of my face.

There was yet another collective gasp from our table. I raised my head slowly after the strike. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined Robin hitting anyone but especially me. When our eyes met, I could tell she was just as shocked by her actions as I was. Suddenly the anger slipped out of her face and was replaced with regret.

"I, uh, I'm, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to." she stammered.

"Yeah, just like you didn't mean to have sex with me either." I mumbled trying to move back toward my chair.

She grabbed me by the arm. "I mean it. I'm sorry."

"Well, I don't believe you. Now let go of me, Robin. You wouldn't everyone to see you care for me too much." bitterly I said trying to move away a second time.

She grabbed me again. "Dammit, don't do this to me! I love you!" she yelled shaking me by the arm.

Our eyes locked, and she slowly realized that she had confessed her feelings in front of everyone. She dropped her head as she moved into my body. "Oh God. I'm sorry." she whispered in tears.

I couldn't hold in the anger any more. She had finally admitted her feelings to me, and as she moved into me, I embraced her fully in a comforting hug. We stayed like that for a few minutes just holding each other closely as our group pretended to go back to sorting the bill. She just kept mumbling how sorry she was for hurting me as I rubbed her back gently. Finally she had dried her tears enough to look into my eyes.

"I love you." she whispered.

My heart melted. "I love you too." I answered leaning down to give her the first kiss of a new beginning.

The End

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